Being ill, even just having symptoms, is not what one would ever choose. It’s not funny to suffer, in fact it can be a nightmare. But here is the thing, when we are talking about chronic illness, not the acute stuff, there can be a lot of time involved. Its not all consistent pain and suffering. There are ups and downs, moments of hope and optimism and then moments of despair and fear, sometimes depression. It can be isolating and a very lonely path.
But you do have a lot of time when not much is really happening. You find yourself not healed, but not at deaths door, neither one nor the other.
Much of chronic illness is a kind of limbo, a strange twilight zone where you can’t get your head on straight but neither can you take it off, so you live in a kind of limbo, waiting, waiting, waiting.
Thats the time to do the work. Thats the time to research, investigate and discover the connections. Its not just about science, its about your intuition, its about taking responsibility for your contribution to the illness, whatever that means to you.
Its a time to inquire within and really have a good look at your life, your values, relationships.
Its a time to reevaluate what works and what doesn’t, its a time to look at your addictions, to your darkness, your shadow. It’s a time to bring all that is unhealed to the table for a healthy clear out.
And it’s a time to dream and rest and send love to yourself.
That is the perfect time.
And, my friend, that kind of activity will release much energy, it will become a healing force for good and may be the catalyst that sparks a transformation within your own life, healing and wellbeing in general.
Only when you meet it consciously and willingly. Not begrudgingly or resentfully. It has to be met and the door opened willingly.
The contents will not be revealed if the door is yanked open with anger or resentment. You will only find more anger and resentment.
But the willing hand opens the door and everything becomes available.
Willingness is one of the golden keys to healing and liberation.
Of course it may bring emotions, thats ok. Thats what its for.
It’s time to deal with those emotions, thats might be what the illness is for.
Illness so often arrives to invite us to attend to things that have not been resolved on the mental or emotional, or even spiritual levels of our life.
My invitation is to use all the time you have if you are ill. Go beyond the worry and the incessant picking at ‘what’s wrong.’ I know that, I’ve been there many times, and it doesn’t help, it just makes it all worse. Do as much as you can do and then turn towards different things, things that help.
Honestly, illness demands us to show up, warts and all. It doesn’t want the presentable you, it wants the unpresentable you. It wants your crap, your shadow, your pain and anger and hurt, your denial and rage and lack of forgiveness. It wants all that because it needs fuel for the fire of transformation. The more you give it the greater the fire.
And your task is to allow yourself to be consumed by this fire of transformation.