Trust The Body Intelligence

This last year I have learned a great deal about body health and healing. One of the greatest things I have learned is this valuable truth. 

The body is designed to heal. If you support it, and don’t interfere with it, gradually the body will heal. You must find those elements that support it, and bring your mind and emotions into line with that support.

The way we live in our fast paced, instant answers kind of world, is anathema to this notion of trust, patience and time.

It is my view that far too often we jump into taking drastic and extreme action too quickly and story our chances of organic healing. Let me give you two examples:

My wife developed injury to her wrist knuckle bone (the bit that sticks out) over a year ago. It happened because of putting down some luggage too abruptly. It was very difficult to diagnose and very difficult to deal with. An MRI suggested chipped bone, and eventually all the medical system could offer was corrective surgery, anti inflammatory drugs etc. She is not the type of person to take drugs so she went to see our Ayurvedic doctors in the UK. They suggested inflammation around the joint and prescribed herbs and a lot of patience. She has had it worked on by a good chiropractor, take Chinese herbs, and we have done a lot of massage, and she has strengthened it through yoga practice.

It has taken over a year to slowly, very slowly, go down. And now it is almost fine.

That is patience, trust and supporting the body’s natural healing powers. If she had jumped into drastic action she may well have had instant relief, but she may never have received full healing. Knowing when to take action and when to support and trust the body is the key to health.

The second example is me. Some of you may know I developed a mysterious rash that spread across my whole body last year upon return from Costa Rica. It was alarming to say the least. From spots to welts, it seemed unstoppable and  ferocious. We had no idea of its cause, of course we had ideas, but no proof. The medical system, I a sorry to report, had no clue and could offer no real help but referral to another specialist (dermatology) and, of course, medication to help stop it. But that would have meant anti inflammatories, creams, and high dose antibiotics. But no one knew what it actually was, so it seemed wrong to just take the meds without knowing !

A year later and it has almost gone. It has taken deep trust, healthy practices, relaxation, some herbal creams, some supplementation and great deal of persistence.

But here is the point I am really making. If you jump too early to medication, surgery or unnatural intervention, it can cause big problems in the natural flow of the body energies. Body takes time and can not be rushed. We always want our healing to go faster than it is and become impatient and fearful when it doesn’t meet our expectations. And at those times we sometimes take action that not only interferes with healing, but actually PREVENTS it!

So my message today is to get deeply in touch with body intelligence, and to get deeply in touch with your inner wisdom, and to make that inner knowledge the main key to healing.

To know when to act and when to wait, that is wisdom.

Thanks for reading!

How Well Do You Know Your Body?

How Well Do You Know Your Body?

It may seem like an obvious, even stupid, question, but in my experience working with people it is actually a very revealing and provocative one. So let me make some bold statements:

I don’t think a lot of people actually DO know their own bodies very well at all. They think they do but actually they are not very tuned in to what their own body is saying, what messages it is sending, or the bio feedback relationship happening all the time between mind and body.

I also think people are very cut off from their intuition, and intuition itself is located in the gut.

We are living in fast paced, toxic, mind dominated societies that favour caffeine, distraction and urgency, and not relaxation, body centred, natural and harmonious lifestyles.

The amount of addiction, disorder, illness, depression etc etc is a sign that ‘we’ are out of alignment with our selves, and that must also mean with our bodies.

And here is the clincher: A humanity that is out of touch with its own body is undoubtedly going to be out of touch with the earth, because they are one and the same thing.

I see this as a big problem for us all in the west. We just don’t know any more what its like to be in touch. And I certainly don’t just mean men, who have a greater tendency to be cut off from their feelings anyway. I mean all people, all walks of life, all social strata. Everyone. And now we are all disappearing down the rabbit hole of our phones it’s only going to make us more disconnected.

Now here I want to say two things.

  1. Its not a great idea to get too attached to your body, or get too lost in it. Firstly its only a temporary vehicle and its going to go the way of all temporary things and you are going to die.
  2. If you get too lost in it you will become over identified with it and thats going to lead you towards addiction in some way that is not going to make you happy.

The body is, in many ways, a dilemma for us humans. Animals have it much easier than we do. They accept the body they get, they instinctively feed it just enough food to survive and thrive and they don’t get too neurotic over how it looks. They are, by their very nature, body centred. It is all entirely natural.

But we have a choice. And we have an ego that wraps itself around how the body looks and feels. This awareness we have, one of our gifts as conscious beings, is a handicap to easy living when it is affected by damaged conditioning and self worth issues.

So lets cut to the chase of how to go about this relationship.

Firstly, you get to know your own body when you find out who you really are. The body is included in a deep spiritual inquiry. 

The body holds old wounds and traumas. It will hold them forever unless you consciously decide to release them. If you decide to release them you will probably have to find a modality that assists this process. That can be anything from rebirthing to massage, maybe yoga, or dance, or any specific technique that aims to unblock the stuck energy flow in the body. This automatically takes you deeper into your body.

Attending to diet and health, doing some detoxification and cleaning out colon and liver, will help to balance the body mind system and bring you naturally more aligned.

Meditation and getting into nature, watching sunset and sunrise, sitting next to the sea or bids a roaring fire, all help to bring you back into relationship with your own essence, and that means your own body.

Listenting to your body, paying it attention, intuiting it, talking to it, loving it, nurturing it, these are key elements to develop with your body. It will pay great dividends and soften up the whole of you.

The bottom line is: Include your own body in the love you have for things. Don’t exclude your body. Love it with all your heart even though it is not yours and will one day turn to dust. Just love it anyway, with a care and a joy and a freedom that makes it sing and dance and flow.

Thanks for reading!

Help me return to this

Holistic Inquiry – What Is It?

Holistic Inquiry – the Healing of Fragmentation

The process of healing, resolving or removing anything that prevents wholeness.

We are designed for Integration of all parts into the whole. We are a whole system. And yet we live in fragmented ways. Mind is fragmented from body, spirit is fragmented from our life, health is thought of as a purely physical issue and treated accordingly, and emotions are problems that need to be buried.

But inquiry into the truth of us reveals that we are born to be ‘bigger than the sum of our parts.’ When we are integrated, meaning when our apparently separate parts are working harmoniously and healthily, we become greater than we could imagine.

12376456_10153745034952856_8110593313318979093_nHolistic Inquiry is the looking within, into any and all areas of life, to see where the blocks are to this wholeness, and to understanding how everything connects to everything else, and to seeing what, if any, action must be taken to bring integration.

Understanding the holistic nature of your life, specifically how everything you do, think, feel, say, eat and believe affects the entirety of your life, far from confusing you more, actually brings greater clarity, self knowledge and power to you. It often brings an ‘Ah Ha!’ moment.

You might suddenly realise why you have always felt a certain way.
You may understand the flow of your life and why you have ended up in the place you are in.
You may arrive at great compassion and love for yourself.
You might even fall in love with yourself once again.
You will almost definitely increase your self awareness and wisdom.

And that in itself will give you the energy you need to take appropriate action.

The areas of focus:

  • Exploration of emotions.
  • Where love was denied or turned away from in childhood.
  • How trauma lives in the body.
  • Non Duality, the realisation of oneness.
  • The movement of one’s life, understanding the pattern.
  • Lifestyle habits and the addictive mechanism.
  • The power of belief to influence the body, positively and negatively.
  • How we really work, and what drives us. A look under the hood.

After years attending spiritual meetings, from satsangs to meditation camps, I came to see that there has almost always been something missing from many teachings. They are not integrated and so remain as disembodied beliefs. They are true, but not lived in the body and thus not in the life. They are not fully integrated.
The body must be included in our inquiry and our care, not just as a physical machine, but as an expression of beliefs, emotions and consciousness.’

Spiritual truths have to become grounded in body and life. Our foundations must be solid for the temple to be built to withstand the vicissitudes of life.
Look at the ancient health systems of Ayurveda (Indian) and Chinese medicine. The are both holistic systems that include mind, body and spirit. They are essentially integrative holistic systems. And they treat people from that perspective.

0bc4fc1e64b4d5863aa12349a1dc1a95A personal story. During my first Indian Panchakarma treatment in 2005 in the midst of turmoil and feeling like death, I experienced a groundedness and wellbeing that shocked me to the core. I was told that, for the first time in years and years, my doshas (energy systems in the body) were balanced, and that this groundedness was the real me, the natural me. It shocked me and made me a servant of holistic wellbeing for life.

You see not many people are truly themselves. When you are fragmented you may well not feel right, but you don’t know what whole feels like, so you have nothing to aim for. Feeling whole is feeling naturally yourself, without effort and without tension. The feeling is naturally spiritual, naturally emotionally and mentally balanced and clear seeing.

The side benefits to this natural way of being are gratitude, compassion, self love and love of others, increased energy, better and more positive relationships, a feeling of abundance, an increase in personal power, and a discovery of one’s true purpose in life.

Yes, it can be quite profound.

Remember this one thing. Everything is connected to everything else. When you pull on one piece it affects every other area. It is whole and integrated anyway, whether you know it or not. But waking up to this truth and living it as a reality changes everything about your life.

Trauma, conditioning and wounding, live in the body and become the pervading reality of our lives.
We build our lives around our traumas and make them our way of life. In other words we compensate for the traumas that have lodged themselves in our body/mind system. Those times we moved away from innocence, and from love, remain alive in the body, in our lives, until we consciously attend to them. Or they can stay alive below the level of conscious attention and fester for years. Often these ‘locked in’ traumas, places where energy is stuck and not flowing, can become the places where illness and dis-ease begin.

Holistic Inquiry is the process of releasing energy through awareness, dialogue and conscious investigation.

The Five Harmonies:

Body – Where the rubber hits the road.
Emotion – Must flow freely like the river to the Ocean.
Mind – Clear seeing and discerning.
Spirit – Knowing oneself as consciousness.
Environment – In harmony with one’s surroundings.

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Contact me for a FREE 15 minute consultation to see if you qualify.

Where Is My Colitis Now? GONE – No Symptoms At All

I’m writing this blog today for anyone who thinks they cannot heal chronic disease.
I’m writing this for those who have cancer, those who have inflammatory conditions, those with blood issues and all the chronic ‘hopeless’ conditions.

And I am writing this for the consultants and doctors who, over the years, dismissed my notion of healing my condition as ‘impossible’ and even stupid. Yes, I’m writing this in defiance and wrathfulness.

I am not angry anymore, but for years I actually was angry at them for giving me so little hope and so few options.

Now I see part of my mission on earth is to spread the news to ordinary people, to show them that there ARE possibilities, and there is hope, and how we should never give up and resign ourselves to what other people, even if they are so called ‘professionals, say.

If I had listened to some of those voices many years ago, if I had followed some of their professional advice and let myself be led like a horse to water, I can only imagine what state I would be in today, ten years later. It wouldn’t be good.

You see, when I was first diagnosed with inflammatory bowel disease in 2005 in a London hospital I was told in no uncertain terms that I would have it for life, I would probably be on medication for life, and that I may have to have surgery to remove some of the infected areas. That is a colonoscopy.

Colitis report 1Here is the report they sent to my doctor. Click to view in detail.

If you look at the report it suggests I should be started on a drug called Asacol.
It is an immunosuppressive, which is something I will never understand. I have just, for the first time, searched on Google for the possible side effects of this drug and I found crazy things!
Here is the link, have a quick look.
For a start, some of the ‘side effects’ are actually exactly the same as the effects from the colitis itself! Like ulcerative colitis aggravated (up to 15%)

But when you are prescribed these drugs it is very very rare that you would be told about these side effects. They are terrifying! Worse than the disease itself.

And here is the thing. Chinese herbs and acupuncture, Ayurvedic herbs and treatments, herbal medicine, naturopathic remedies, NONE of them have any side effects. And they DON’T suppress the immune system. They will support and modulate the immune system, but there is a big difference between this and forcing the system to quell its activity. To me one is force the other is healing.
I have just found another great article about this:

Well that fateful day I was told of the possible future I faced is forever etched in my mind, for the single reason that I chose, as it says in the report, not to take their advise but to follow my own instincts and knowledge and pursue natural treatments. At that stage I had no idea what those natural treatments would be, but I already knew Ayurvedic (Indian) and Chinese herbs were very powerful and useful, so I imagined I would start there.

But that is not my point, that is for another blog. My point is always this, and I have said it before time and time again.

Despite what little hope I was offered that day, and during subsequent assessments and diagnoses, I never took any medication at all. NONE, ZERO, ZIP. And that was quite tough, because my symptoms got pretty serious at a couple of points.
In fact a recent discussion with my doctor about something else involved him asking me about my natural healing path and how I coped with the ‘acute phase’ of this dis-ease. ‘Good question,’ I thought and answered, because it meant he was taking me seriously. It is the acute phase that lands most people in hospital with very serious symptoms that demand urgent intervention. The answer was that I let it flow, and that meant sometimes 20 bowel movements a day and pouring mucus and blood (sorry for the squeamish among you!). Remember I wasn’t taking any meds, so I thought of it all as somehow the natural actions of a body in crisis.

Although it was mentally and emotionally very challenging, I tried hard to see that what was happening was the body taking the right action to try and eliminate toxins and pathogens and restore balance. The body was trying to detox and purify, but the effect was dramatic.

There is a big difference between seeing your own body from a compassionate, supportive and caring position, and seeing your body as having gone wrong and being angry, or fearful, or brutish with it. Your body hears and knows and responds to what you feel and say and think.

I know what I’m saying is hard and challenging and even with the best will in the world, sometimes intervention and hospital, medications and urgent treatment, are the only way. That is, as they say, the way it is.

I think what I am saying is to always look at your own mental attitude towards yourself and your body. Although I was freaked out by what was happening to me over the years it took me to heal, I never viewed my body as my enemy. I devised meditations and healing visualisations for myself to listen to every day. I explored my unconscious mind and emotions to the deepest level I knew, and left absolutely no stone unturned in my commitment to supporting the healing process, no matter what. I became a servant of my own healing.

Doctors don’t know about the healing journey. Most people don’t. We are all thinking in the same box most of the time. It is very limited. It is a mindset that works when it works, but when there is a breakdown, the mindset is sadly lacking in its ability to explain it or deal with it.
It is the same in mental health, psychological problems, addictions, and even societal problems.
We are caught in this mechanistic mindset that reads symptoms in a linear manner and attempts to rectify problems by medication, removal or incarceration.

Very rarely do we hear anything about healing, rehabilitation, forgiveness, compassion. Yet these are surely vital aspects of the human species?

I never took any medications, and it has now been over ten years. And guess what has happened? Well slowly slowly, and sometimes very slowly indeed, and sometimes forward and sometimes backwards, I have healed my wounded colon and reduced my inflammation, restored gut integrity, nurtured and nourished the physical needs of my body, dealt with emotions and mind, and now, for the last two years at least…


I don’t think about it any more. Occasionally if I am suffering with something else, it can trigger some gut sensitivity, because I think I will always be sensitive in that area. And I have a tendency to immune weakness. I took a hard blow back there and I believe these hard blows, when they are chronic, always leave their mark, as though this is where we always need to pay attention.

But on the day to day level, there are no signs of IBD, colitis, or anything. Even I am shocked sometimes. My symptoms were powerful back then, for example I was almost 90% housebound for two years, I weighed less than 45Kg, had sometimes 20 bowel movements a day and was always losing blood and mucus, I couldn’t eat anything, was nauseous and semi anaemic. It was hard core and I had to dig so deep into my inner resources just to stay with it.
But I did.

And you can. Whoever is suffering from a ‘chronic dis-ease’ hear me good.

Kavi Portrait 2 copy

The Body is a Demanding Lover

The last few weeks have once again brought me face to face with an area of life I already thought I knew intimately, namely  body issues that take over life. We call it illness but in many ways its more like a demanding lover.

This time round it started as either a spot or a bite that wouldn’t heal when we were in Costa Rica. I have had wound healing problems before, because my immune system is impaired and weak, and because I have been suffering from circulation issues since my inflammatory bowel disease, so this wasn’t a surprise.
When we returned to the UK I sought to get it looked at and get some blood tests. The doctor spotted infection in the leg wound and gave me some antibiotic cream to apply. I used it, reluctantly, for 7-10 days and it didn’t really change things. After about a week I noticed spots and bumps appearing on the arms, and this progressed and progressed until it became a rash. When the rash became worrying I sought the doctors help again, he offered the cream again for the leg wound and not much for the rash.
At that stage I saw my Ayurvedic doctor who found me to be very out of balance…

The rash a few days ago. Its much much worse now.

Anyway, here I sit a week later at a friends house in Kings Langley, north of London, after a trip to the A and E yesterday to ask for a diagnosis. The doctor has said I have a full blown histamine reaction. The rash has covered my whole body, including some of my head, and has actually morphed into one big rash that looks like a second skin, red and raw and flaky…its agony..My arms have swollen because of the rawness, and right now its not abating.
I look like a reptile!

I have been given antihistamine tablets and I’m praying they are going to work…SOON!

So, my friends, I decided it was time to write from the place of suffering.

Now I have had the chance to reflect and dive into this I can see how my recent life has led to this, and how, on mental, emotional and lifestyle levels, I have contributed to it. Thats not blame its just awareness.

I need to see clearly to be able to change the things that I can change in order to give myself maximum chance of health for the future.

Thats why I say the body is a demanding lover. You always have the choice, to resist and make up stories, to fight it and try and dominate it, or to surrender and learn to love on a whole different level. Body really demands that we listen when it displays symptoms. To me the body is feminine, it represents the earth because its born of the earth and dies back into the earth. Mind must surrender its wilfulness to the body to be peaceful.
Body reveals to you where you need to change, as long as you are willing to really accept responsibility.

I have listened to the message that has come this time. What I heard is this. Because in my life over the last two years there have been so many changes, it has caused much instability and ungroundedness. Amoda, my wife, and I are trying to move to the US, ad we gave up out flat in the UK last year. We have been nomadic since September and its been very stressful. I have dealt with it badly, mainly by not acknowledging that I couldn’t cope, but also by thinking I could cover it up and drink lots of coffee and life a ‘bulletproof lifestyle’ and its reared its head and bitten me.

Basically I overruled my body. And I know that you can only do that for a limited time, especially if it involves stressful living, and you already carry issues.

I can’t say these lessons are easy, and if you are experiencing things, or you know someone who is, I send you my love and recognition. Many ailments, symptoms and signs, are mysterious and not easily definable. And without knowing what is going on the mind easily freaks out and imagines the worst. But mind needs to be tamed. And it gets tamed by bringing it into presence.

The whole thing about ‘being present’ was preoccupying me as I was going to sleep last night. I realised that proper breathing and being fully present go hand in hand, they become a healing in itself, and they allow the entire organism to relax for a while, which quietens the immune and nervous system.

Being present isn’t just some spiritual exercise, it is a very practical approach to illness. It has beneficial effects.

I have been doing pranayama breathing exercises for immune system healing and calming, and I must say they are excellent for keeping me here, softly aware of this moment, without any stories. You simply cannot fully breathe and have lots of stories of past or future at the same time. One or the other. And healing is only found in the breathing.

This is the key point about presence and illness. Illness is taxing and stressing to the whole organism. Illness is also highly intertwined with emotions and mind. It is entirely natural, when the body suffers from unusual and painful, life interrupting symptoms, to worry and be concerned. But there is a fine line between healthy concern that drives positive action, and the kind of anxious worry that makes matters worse by stressing the adrenal glands, over burdening immune and nervous system, and bringing the system down lower. Body and mind are hardwired together.

So presence is great antidote to this. Its not just an idea that brings some relief, although it does that. Its actually more a form of medicine. Call it Presence Medicine. It softens, it nourishes, it allows loving energy to flow. It forgives and even brings joy. In the great allowing that being fully present brings anything can happen, even miracles. There is a doorway to spirit offered by being present. The divine is through that door and, upon true communion with the divine, all things become possible.

Presence is not found by doing anything. It is found by not doing anything. It is found by undoing everything. It is a profound not doing, not making any movement to change anything. Everything is allowed to flow through. there is no mental grabbing at thoughts or sensations, no attempt to change pain or discomfort. Just a growing awareness of all things that appear in the field of awareness. You simply become awareness itself. And if that is not possible, you just sit and listen to the rapids of thoughts or stories, or pains as they come and go. Eventually the noise dies down, and you might catch a glimpse of peacefulness. Try it! Try it whether you are ill or not. It really has great benefit for your life.

OK thats enough from me for today. Thank you so much for reading. I’m off to get my herbal remedies, do some yoga and breathing, and makes some prayers for my healing..I need to move on from this.

Sunbeams in the green wood

Don’t Focus on the Disease – Focus on the Cause and the Cure.

Copied from my Power of Illness Blog. Come over and join me there!

My most important Health Blog for a long time!

Folks…Its been becoming more and more obvious to me that we are seriously deluded in our ‘medical system’ understanding and its sphere of influence. We look at things all wrong, even if we are ‘alternative’ thinkers who walk the natural path.
We are looking at things from the wrong way round, and it’s a habit that tricks us over and over. It is the pathology of disease and what we do about it.

P1000563This is the issue. We focus all our attention on the disease we have, whether alternative or allopathic. We do not really ask the obvious question and deal with it systematically. What is CAUSING the said disease? I know it seems obvious to be saying this, but honestly its the truth.

When I had Inflammatory Bowel Disease (it was called Ulcerative Colitis, a name I have never liked) I was intent on dealing with the symptoms as I experienced them. They were blood and mucus, heat, swelling, digestive problems, immune system problems, anaemia, and the side effect issues of infections, low energy, depression etc.
It took me years to realise that I had to go the long way round to treat this problem. Sure, there were things I could do to ameliorate the symptoms and make it possible to live day to day, like pacifying the inflammation, NATURALLY (never pharmaceutically), but the real results came over a long period of time, and had their roots in massive detoxification to remove the heat and toxicity that was causing my body to react in an inflammatory way.

The disease was not the cause, it was the result. The cause was over acidity and accumulation of toxins and foreign elements in my body that was disturbing the equilibrium, causing my liver to be over burdened, and the subsequent cascade of gut and organ related issues. Ulceration of the colon was the inevitable result of massive toxicity, over acidity of the system, inability to detox my body, stagnation of the lymph system, clogged up gut (I had never had a colon cleanse) and so on and so on.

Understanding that allowed me to understand that there was a kind of logic to my getting this disease. The disease didn’t just appear ‘out of the blue.’  It seemed to, and it shocked me to the core at the time, and I felt like quite the victim for a while, and thought my life was over, but way down the line of healing I realised it was inevitable that Inflammatory Bowel Disease arrived. It was inevitable because of everything that was going on at a very deep level in my body. It was actually an invitation to healing. My disease was, paradoxically, an invitation.

When people ask me how I healed this disease that so many people struggle with, there are many factors I talk about. But the one that really makes a difference, and is very different to other people who just can’t shake the disease symptoms despite the healthy lifestyle, and that is:

I did 3 full Panchakarma Detoxifications at the very start of my illness. The first was the trigger one that shifted my body from stuck to flowing, but unleashed the storm cascade that erupted as IBD. The next two, within a year of each other, removed a massive amount of heat and chemical toxins that were lodged deep in my body. AYURVEDA is what is at the root of my healing. Ayurveda is the most profound of healing modalities, and Panchakarma saved my life and provided the bedrock of my healing. You see, whatever detoxification system you decide to use, and if you are ill you will have to detox at some point, it has to be thorough.

If it doesn’t get deep enough it won’t work.

I am not particularly a fan of superficial detox programs. I think they are, at best, scratching the surface and giving false hope, and at worst stirring up the hornets nest and not following through with the removal of toxins. If you stir em up, you gotta get em out.

Mung Soup for the SoulAyurvedic Panchakarma is a 4000 year old system that is specifically designed for this purpose. Its focused. If its a good clinic, it is tailor made to the individual needs, disease and body type. It is a 4 – 6 week protocol that requires you to stay in a clinic and be treated day in and day out. And after the detox process is over, the next process begins, and that is called the ‘rasayana’ phase, which is nourishing and regeneration of organs and tissues.

When I was advised to do this process, back in 2004, and I was looking for an explanation of what it was, my practitioner explained it was like surgery without any implements. He said it was like cleaning a house, removing all the furniture and stripping back the walls to their original nature. It sounded incredible. And scary.

And it was both!

The only thing that has got anywhere near it in terms of impact has been water fasting, but in my opinion Panchakarma, certainly the clinic we attended, was by far more long lasting and much deeper in its penetration into the organs and tissues. Panchakarma focuses on the liver, on the gut, and on the whole of the gastro intestinal tract. 

So coming back to my purpose for this blog. Panchakarma focused its efforts on dealing with the cause of my inflammation, at the deepest level. It was very tough for them and for me as I was heavily symptomatic at the time and bleeding and very sick. I could easily have gone to hospital at that time and they would have taken me in. But no, we pressed on and dealt with the removal of toxins…

And that was the root of my subsequent healing. It then took me years to heal the gut, to rebuild my immune system, to nurture my liver, and to deal with the flood of emotions that came at me like a tsunami from the past. For a few years I was housebound, gaunt like a prisoner, confused and bewildered. But I rebuilt from the ground upwards.

Eventually I made it. And then no more symptoms. No more inflammation of the gut. The symptoms disappeared when the cause was dealt with, because the symptoms weren’t the problem. The cause was the problem, and its that we need to attend to.

Look for the cause.
Find a practitioner who wants to help look for the cause. The cause will be physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. It may feel like it just arrived out of the blue, like an unexpected visitor, but that is unlikely. It’s probably been on its way for years. Find out why. This deep holistic enquiry may well save you a lot of heartache, needless searching, treatments and fruitless investigations, not to mention money. Don’t be duped by the symptoms, or by the label, or by the relentlessness of the disease.  If its one of the chronic ones, its a symptom, a result, not the cause. Find the cause, which usually means looking at the past.

Kavi Hockaday-1033Thanks for reading! If you want any info about Ayurveda or panchakarma get in touch. I’m not an expert but I’ve got lots of experience and may be able to point you in the right direction.

Seeking Harmony and Balance Inside and Outside

I have been searching for harmony and balance all my life. I just didn’t know I was searching. In my experience most of the search of human beings is for harmony and balance.
The spiritual search, the health search, the relationship search, even the purpose and career search is all about finding what you could call, ‘The Sweet Spot.’

Not many people think about it. I do. It was pointed out to me many times in my earlier life when I sought natural practitioners and wisdom teachers.

Particularly vocal were most of the Chinese Practitioners I saw. I was running hot in my body and emotions, very hot. But I felt cold so much of the time. This was before I developed so called Inflammatory Bowel Disease. But the preconditions were there. This was in the early/middle 1990s and I was in my late 30s, early 40s. Life was unravelling on all levels but manifesting mostly on the physical level.
The Chinese Practitioners were always astonished that I carried such extremes in my body. They usually laughed when they felt my pulse and said, ‘Too much yin one day, then too much yang next day. No balance.’ Of course I had no real idea what they were talking about. But what they said felt right to me. I was all over the place mentally and emotionally. A total unpredictable mess. And at that time there was no way I could get anywhere near those imbalances to address them and heal them. They were off limits and 100% inaccessible. It would take another 15 years before I was mature and broken enough to take on my emotional wounds.

So the practitioners were left trying to balance me through herbs, healing the liver, spleen and gut. It was a long, long path.

My healing has honestly taken, I would say, from early 1995 or so until the present day. Thats over 20 years on this path. Of course things have changed so much, and now I don’t see a path I just see life, and once you get a taste for transformation and healing things begin to have their own momentum.

But back then it was incredibly painful and such hard work. I was so brittle and emotionally unavailable. And I had never had a sense of myself in balance. I lost myself when I was about 15 years old and struggling with a dysfunctional family and my discovery of psychedelic drugs and drinking. That was it for me…I was gone for the next 20 years.

So I had no idea what a balanced ‘Kavi’ would look like or feel like. I just assumed I was the way I was and that was it. I had no idea who or what I was. So I was just shooting in the dark.

Fast forward to my first Panchakarma in Mumbai, India in winter 2004/early 2005. We were there to receive the full 6 week Ayurvedic detoxification treatment on the advice of our Ayurvedic Practitioners. I had seen them out of desperation because I was really not well. Things may have improved with all the alternative treatment I had received, but always I would slip back into disharmony and imbalance. They were very concerned for me and advised immediate and full detoxification and Ayurvedic rebalancing.

The entire 6 week experience was a nightmare for me, because it activated all the toxic chemicals in my body, and rattled all my emotional trigger points, and threatened my mental comfort zone. I had a migraine headache the whole 6 weeks. I just kept going because I had to. Anyway, and here is part of the point of the story.

One morning in the midst of this horror story of toxic hell I woke up feeling fantastic! I had never felt anything like it. It was unrecognisable. It wasn’t like drugs or anything. It wasn’t that kind of elation or ‘leaving reality’ kind of feeling. It was, in fact, totally grounded and clear. I felt present and calm, I felt relaxed and centred. I was completely in my body and calm in my emotions. I could look everyone completely in the eye. There was no stress, anxiety, panic, anger, fear or unwanted thoughts. I felt like myself, at home and normal.

It was so new, such a previously unknown sense of myself, that it took me by surprise. Each day we had to visit the doctor to have a check. So off we went and, when it was my turn, I presented myself. They were used to seeing me and my troubles, always problems, but this time the doctor looked at me and smiled, took my pulse and said,’ This is who you are. This is you when you are balanced. Your inner system, your doshas (energy systems) are balanced today and this could be your dominant state of being. This is you.

I was shocked to the core!!
The only memory I had of such a feeling was of early childhood, maybe 8 or 9 years old, innocent and playful, free in body and mind, untouched by the troubles that were to come.

The next day the feeling was gone, and didn’t return for many years.

And the feeling I had that day has stayed with me always. It made me a servant of inner balance. It began to forge me into the kind of holistic dude I am today. Of course I then had to go through 10 years of healing major dis-ease to really find the balance. But that day, that experience, that visceral knowing what I could be, gave me the inspiration to seek it for the rest of my life.

And 12 years since that Panchakarma, I have become the person I felt myself to be that day.

Now I see it everywhere in people who are out of balance. Society is, sad to say, an Imbalanced State. If we are adjusted to it, we are adjusted to the maladjusted society.

Our job is to know we are seeking inner balance and outer balance. Insight is half the job. Awareness of what is happening. If you are way too acidic, that very imbalance is going to reflect in your hot emotions and hot thoughts and feelings. Irritation, anger, hot flashes, outbursts, or suppressed anger. If you swing a lot, or get too cold, you may well experience fear and anxiety. We have no idea what causes what, whether its the chicken or the egg. The point is, it doesn’t matter. But they are connected. So addressing the body heals the emotions and the mind. Addressing the emotions and the mind heals the body. DOING BOTH ACCELERATES THE HEALING!.


It is an unfolding journey, and sometimes you are more on track than other times. But when it happens, when harmony and balance happens, it is remarkable, and it is entirely normal.

Try contemplating this. See in your life where there is balance, where there is imbalance. See if you can find how imbalance reflects itself in different areas of your being. Look in your thoughts, beliefs, emotions, relationships, habits, addictions, and you will discover a whole world of stuff.

And then seek harmony.

I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. I didn’t expect to write this one!

Please comment if it has inspired you, or brought up any questions or observations.