What Disease?

How did I heal Ulcerative Colitis?
I didn’t.
What I did was remove what was triggering the inflammation and reactivity in my struggling body.
All the words ‘Ulcerative Colitis’ mean is ulceration of the colon, inflammation of the colon. That is a description not a disease.
It turned out to be toxic residue from years of drug abuse.
It turned out to be heavy emotional burden and traumas from youth.
It tuned out to be heavy metals.
It turned out to be liver stagnation.
It turned out to be lymphatic congestion.

All these were resolved almost fully with serious and focused detoxification and nourishment of the organism.
And with serious and focused emotional healing, releasing what was stuck in the body and mind system.
And getting some health going again.
With exercise, fresh air and relaxation.

At no point did I do anything about ‘Ulcerative Colitis.’

But magically, or obviously, by the time I finished my 21 day water fast, and since then, I have had NO SYMPTOMS at all of this disease they call Ulcerative Colitis.

As far as they are concerned I still have it.

As far as I’m concerned its vanished because I didn’t have any ‘disease’ in the first place. I had symptoms, sign posts, indicators of deep issues that were causing me big problems.

I hope you get this and show it to anyone who has chronic issues.

Don’t let the diagnosis define you. Think bigger and deeper.

Get wise and aware.

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Is Chronic Disease the Price we Pay for Modern Life?

I think we have a problem. A big problem facing the whole of society, no matter which country we are in (unless its a very natural and simple one far away from modern life)

That problem is that we are in danger of accepting chronic illness, and particularly auto immune related illness, AS THE NORM. We are in danger of accepting that auto immunity is a natural response to a toxic environment, and we are attempting to pacify the body, hide the symptoms and label the disease but we are not, en masse, or from the highest level of politics, doing anything about it from the environmental perspective.

I believe we actually think that chronic disease is the price we pay for modern urban living.

AND IT MAY BE TRUE.

When we draw back and look at this issue from a collective, national and global standpoint we see some terrifying patterns. Obviously from the personal position we don’t care about global patterns or what it’s even caused by, because we are so preoccupied and taken up with our own journey of healing or intervention. But if the very root of our illness is our constant reactivity to aspects of our environment that we can never escape then we have a problem. We will never heal enough to feel great or truly healthy, but we will simply carry around low grade or high grade symptoms and fend off acute illness for as long as possible until we finally succumb.

If the very root of our illness is our constant reactivity to aspects of our environment that we can never escape then we have a problem.

So many people are sick. So many people are chronically sick, acutely sick, low grade sick, only just able to function sick.
Chronic disease is epidemic, no one doubts that. Since the 20th Century burst open, with its wars and its extraordinary industrialization, its chemicals and factories and intense farming, chronic disease has been growing. But since the 1990’s and the turn of this Century things have escalated, and as far as I see, hear and experience as I travel around, they don’t look like stopping. It is out of control. If it was murder, terrorism or car crashes we would be freaking out. But because it is chronic illness we don’t bat an eyelid.

Wow!

My feeling is thus: We should NEVER accept chronic illness as normal. Just because its the appropriate response of the immune system and nervous system to a toxic and highly stressful, chemical laden, environment, that in itself is no reason to accept it as normal. We have to do everything and anything, personally and collectively, environmentally and politically, to deal with the environmental triggers, to reduce chemical toxicity, to clean up air, water and city, to actually study wifi and discuss the dangers.

Here is what we can do. GET AS HEALTHY AS POSSIBLE, without being tight or rigid about it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not talking about diets or losing weight (I DO mean finding your natural weight), I am talking about doing everything in your power to detox your lymphatic system, clear up your gut health, reduce stress, improve sleep, hydration and vegetable intake. Choose organic and non GMO ALWAYS! Exercise the body, sweat and breathe. Release emotional stuckness, rigid thoughts and beliefs and RELAX! Get out in the sun, dance and walk in nature. 

Remove toxic products as much as possible from your life, your house, bathroom and car. They are everywhere. Research what is natural and buy it. Prioritize health above almost everything else, except maybe your kids. If you have kids, prioritize THEIR health! 

Did I say sort out your gut? Detox your brain, your gut, your liver, heal your adrenals and kidneys. Research the dangers of wifi and start to do what you can to protect yourself from the danger. At least don’t sleep with your phone.

All of this you could do, sick or not. And I promise you it will help your body defense system deal with today’s toxic load. You will be the healthiest person in the hospital. And even though you may still be diagnosed with some chronic condition you won’t even feel it because you will be strong and healthy. A strange idea I know but it seems to be the times we live in.

Let me know what you think.

Reactivity in Auto Immune Conditions and Inflammation

Please do not take this as scientific proof. If you are looking for modern science you probably wont find it here. This blog and website is only about ideas that might be possible.

As I always say in my blogs and posts, find out for yourself what is true. Believe nothing unless you truly believe it deeply inside. And if you don’t know, be ok with not knowing and make your inquiry into healthy living and illness come from an unknown perspective.

Basically, develop discernment and inner wisdom, it will serve you for life and help others who also don’t know.

My conversations are speculative and holistic. I’m trying to connect dots that medical science doesn’t want to, or can’t, or won’t, connect. Mainly that means exploring the connection between matter and thought, or body and mind you might say.

I want to look at patterns, beliefs, language, energy fields, that sort of thing. I truly believe we only have a small bit of the puzzle of being human. Most of the rest of the puzzle will not be found in science or conventional medicine.

But the puzzle and the mystery is where the exciting stuff is. That’s where I like to dig around. I am an investigator and explorer.

So I have been contemplating the nature of auto immune conditions, described by conventional medicine as ‘self attacking self,’ and decided to talk a little about how our emotional mental ‘reactivity’ to life, thought and situations may play a very big part in perpetuating the suffering of self attack.

The key here is to understand why reactivity, particularly over-reactivity, is happening on the mental, emotional level, and to attempt to ease it down and relax it. In my world awareness and understanding is fundamental in the healing.

Reactivity tends to come from fear. That fear can be fear of danger, fear of lack of safety, threat to life, violence or extreme vulnerability. Fear is an existential issue we all have somewhere deep within. People with trauma, childhood wounds, acute sensitivity (sometimes from birth trauma) and unstable childhoods are prone to this fear more than most. This fear is visceral, it’s not simply emotional or mental. It becomes physical, make no mistake. And that physicality we now know (through science and biology) can affect our gut microbiome, digestive process, gut permeability, ‘fight or flight’ mechanism, and adrenal glands, as well as the whole body. Every physical effect I have just stated impacts the immune system.

The deeper trouble with this is that it sets up a chronic pattern that may lock us in for life. If these things are happening in childhood and youth we learn them as survival mechanisms and repeat them every time something real OR IMAGINED reminds us of the old trauma. It doesn’t have to be a real threat, it can just be the thought of it or something similar. In fact much of this reactivity will happen IN ANTICIPATION of trouble THAT ACTUALLY DOESN’T HAPPEN.

This has been one of my ongoing life stories revealed to me over the years through various body work therapies, deep inner exploration and more recently chiropractic testing. I developed a secret inner part of me that was always alert to danger, always on the look out and hyper vigilant, whether I was asleep or not. The consequences of this are serious and disturbing, both physically and mentally. Physically it means being always in reactivity mode and high alert, and never able to get into deep restful delta sleep where healing and renewal comes from.

It means immune system and nervous system are on constant alert to danger. It began in my early teens during my parents slide into acrimonious divorce and my slide into ‘out of control’ drug taking chaos. It has lasted a lifetime (the effect not the drugs!), and been mostly hidden from view but had massive repercussions on my relationships, purpose in life and most important on my physical health. Specifically on my immune health, gut health, and now thyroid health. It also resulted in addiction problems.

So what does this say?

Well I actually see this reactivity, this over active ‘fight or flight’ mechanism, at play in many people I work with, and almost always with those who experience some form of auto immunity. And it can disguise itself in many ways. Being over critical of self or others is one way, being self hating (remember the ‘self attacking self’ phrase at the beginning of this article?), being extremely resentful, being highly anxious, fearful, angry or depressed are all permutations of the same thing, reactivity.

This blog piece is just the beginning of a much bigger conversation about mind and body and trauma, and about how the immune system gets over activated when we are young.

If we accept that reactivity might be an issue both physically and emotionally it gives us knowledge and insight, and puts us in a greater position to be able to take action.

What action? I am going to discuss this next time.

I would love to hear from you what you think, as I really don’t have all the answers, but thousands of questions that I love exploring.

And the next piece I think will be how to turn our unhealthy reactivity to a healthy and calm responsiveness so we can maintain calm in our inner world.

Thank you so much for reading, and please please comment and add something to the conversation. And share this is you feel moved to.

Auto Immune Causes – The Cat and Mouse Game – A Personal Tale

Some of you may know over the years I have been through many diagnoses ranging from the sublime to the ridiculous, but have suspected Thyroid problems for a while now. Hashimotos is an auto immune experience, and I have been through gut related auto immune in the form of colitis, so I carry a tendency and possibly a lingering causal issue.

I now have some definitive test results that reveal I am producing antibodies which means there is a problem with the thyroid and what might be called ‘an auto immune’ condition.

I now have something to work on. But honestly this area is a minefield of information and red herrings, false flags and holistic mystery.

Getting tested is important, but tests are so damn expensive, particularly when there are a myriad of tests.

Finding a professional, either a decent doctor or a functional doctor or a knowledgeable naturopath is very expensive and out of my range, so i’m in the thick of it with trying to unravel it for myself as much as possible.

Luckily I am healthy, or at least healthy enough to mitigate some of the symptoms and effects.

But thats not enough when there is attrition of the gland and body going on. I have to dig even deeper and find some causal factor.

Could be Epstein Barr virus.
Could be heavy metal.
Could be electro smog.
Could be the years of toxic drug overload.
Could be a genetic component.
Could be years of stress I carried.
Could be low testosterone.

You see the problem?

It is something of an anomaly to have this..I am actually super healthy on so many levels, and all indications are it just shouldn’t be so. So the question that must always be asked and pursued is WHY?

What is causing this reactivity in the cellular body? Over the years as I have healed my gut the inflammation markers have come down and down until now there is no sign of inflammation.

That doesn’t necessarily mean there is one. But something is in the system, or some imbalance in the system, that is creating this disturbance. It might be low grade infection (ala ‘Medical Medium’ suggestion that Epstein Barr virus is more at play in Hashimotos and auto immunity than we imagine. It could simply be years of toxic assault, mercury (now gone) and stress (which I carried for many years) and of course electro smog and all its joys..

And of course Im now 59 so the body is hanging and getting older, systems getting weaker, testosterone going down, and so on and so forth.

So the investigation continues, meanwhile I truly believe that one can at least offset damage and harm by living as though one were vibrantly well, consciously choosing healthy foods and exercise and attending to the mind and emotion. xx

Thats where I’m at. I am almost excited to have found out something definite. It gives me a direction to move in.

Thanks for reading!

My recent results.

The Need To Heal Old Wounds

From my personal experience, my research and coaching lots of clients I really have concluded this one simple yet profound truth:

When we deny old emotions and/or present difficult feelings we put an increased stress on our body, on our nervous system, immune system, and important organs like heart and thyroid, and our brain. Whether that actually ’causes’ illness or not is academic, because the bottom line is it really doesn’t help.

My holistic principle is to understand that which puts extra tax and burden on a delicate and finely balanced system (the human organism) is ultimately destructive, and will assist in early degradation of healthy life. As we age it gets harder and harder to bounce back and regenerate. Which means that as we get older we must get wiser and get MORE relaxed and more FREE of old burdens. Old burdens will rigidify us physically, mentally and spiritually unless we consciously release them. They might even kill us.

This point is not as nebulous or subtle as you may think. The river is meant to flow. If it doesn’t flow it stagnates. If it stagnates it becomes toxic and allows disease to happen. It is exactly the same with us. Energy is meant to flow through us. Old emotions and toxic thoughts impede this flow and become somehow ‘trapped’ in our cellular body. The same stagnation can happen. 

Thus detoxification is useful on the physical level AND the emotional energetic level. This proposition might annoy some people and even be dismissed as new age but I have experienced it and see it everywhere, and it is a self evident truth.

In my own healing journey, healing a huge auto immune condition (inflammatory bowel disease) it really wasn’t long in my detoxification process that I was propelled into the fury and powerful world of my pent up, hot, acidic and generally volatile emotions, the ones that I had buried and denied for years and years since the traumatic break up of my parents when I was 16 years old. I held on to the trauma for decades but could never access the pain and therefore never receive any healing. Make no mistake, trauma in the body, just because its not present in everyday experience, is powerful and dangerous. It’s not inert, meaning it doesn’t just sit there in a neutral state doing nothing. 

No, it has a negative power. It influences decisions, it can drive addictions and lifestyle choices. It ramps up stress response into hot stuff like rage or scary stuff like fear and anxiety. It may play a huge part in depression. It creates havoc with the nervous system and immune system, both of which have a DIRECT effect on health. It is known, for example, that stress has a direct impact on the gut micro biome, reducing healthy gut flora and allowing the ‘bad guys’ to gain the upper hand.

I truly believe that my healing had plateaued until I dived into my emotions. And then it catapulted into an increase in healing. It’s not the magic bullet but it is incredibly powerful.

I would go as far as to say you can’t truly heal without it.

If you are on the same journey that took me over 10 years, please listen. Do the emotional stuff. Find a way, find a resource. Follow your instinct for what your body wants, listen to your own inner voice, and get guidance from others who know this territory, and then fully embrace your healing. Even when it is difficult because dragging old stuff up hurts, still press on. It is far better that you meet the pain, and it hurts, and you release it, than you don’t meet it and it kills you.

I wish you love and blessings on your path.

Thanks for reading!

 

Buck the System and Find Your Own Way

Haggard in 2005

Did you know I got very sick in 2005 and was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis, and given a prognosis of medication for life, an incurable illness and probably surgery to remove my colon?
It was pretty serious, as were my symptoms.
None of the things they told me that day came true.
I took ABSOLUTELY NO MEDICATION from that day to this, for that disease. None, nada.
I have had NO SYMPTOMS of UC for a few years. I don’t care whether that constitutes a ‘cure’ or not. It’s gone.
As for the ‘surgery to remove my colon.’ WTF?
I am 58 years old. If I had believed all they told me and not undertaken my own research, inquiry and attempts to heal (which took a long long time and much dedication) I would have been medicated up to the eye balls with steroid and anti inflammatories immediately and that would have put all sorts of pressure on a system that was already under pressure. I would have gotten weaker and sicker, and NEVER HEALED. Thus I would probably have had my colon removed .
I walked out of the hospital and decided to find my own way. I know thats pretty scary and wild, but thats what I did and it led me to my own power and authority.
And my healing.
That makes me a warrior. 

Now, sometimes you have just got to go with the medical model, and take great advice from those who know more than you do. But honestly, looking at the whole thing from my perspective after this long journey, I would say that most people have given over way too much authority and power and influence to a system that DOES NOT have healing as its core principle. If you really want healing, whatever that might mean to you, I am afraid that at some point you will have to buck the system and find your own way.

That’s the way it is. Bucking the system means you will have to take deeper and more intense responsibility for what is happening in your body/mind system. It will inevitably bring you face to face with yourself, your wounds, traumas, fears, hurts, angers and grievances. It will bring up your stuff on emotional and means levels, and thats the transformative power of it.

If you can grow into that, take responsibility, become wiser and more knowledgeable, find healers and alternative professionals who will support you and guide, and resolve the energetic stuckness that underpins all physical issues, you are very likely to heal, to grow, to transform in ways that are unimaginable.

Or you can just carry on.

I chose to buck the system. It never worked for me except for diagnosis and testing, even then I have my doubts. It didn’t offer me the hope or possibility I needed. That had to come from me. It’s in everyone, it’s in you.

Thanks for reading!

AUTO IMMUNE ISSUES: The Sacred Boundary of Self Violated

ALL AUTO IMMUNE PEOPLE: The Sacred Boundary of Self:

If you have an auto immune condition, please look beyond the physical level for your healing. You probably wont heal unless you do.
You can look for the magic bullet that cures you, you wont find it.
You can search the physical plane, the world of one cause for the effect, but you wont find it.
You can stay locked in this land of separation, but it wont heal you.

NO…

You must look beyond the linear and dive into the murky world, the world of emotion, mind, spirit, into beliefs and wounds.
It is not optional.

An auto immune condition means that the sacred boundary of self has been breached, physically in the gut wall and thus the immune system, and energetically and metaphorically in the sense of self we carry from birth to death.

You as a self, a small self, have a boundary that protects you and keeps you safe. It is an entirely natural function that happens almost unconsciously when things are flowing and harmonious in ones life.

BUT…Trauma, wounding, abuse, shock and terror, fear and stress when experienced in childhood or youth, CAN set the pre-conditions for subsequent auto immune conditions.
They don’t necessarily cause it, but they can participate in it to a great degree. They are a part of the condition.

For those who are experiencing auto immune, you simply must look into this area of your life. It really matters.

And this comes from personal experience and from working with other people.
Don’t take my word for it. Inquire within. Explore this idea for yourself, truthfully and deeply.