A Warning About Toxic Emotions – They Kill

I watched my Mother decline and fall over a long period of time.

She was hit by a nasty auto immune condition – Rheumatoid Arthritis. That was on top of the onset of Osteo Arthritis.
It was savage. It really started in the 1980’s and continued to tear her body apart until she succumbed to the stress of medications and disease in 2002 and left her body.

She had two hip replacements, and had a bad reaction to one of them and developed an internal ulcer that was agony.
I spent many days over the years in and out of hospital visiting her. She wanted to die often, and often was in such pain it was very tough for her, and for me.
I cannot even begin to know how she coped. Her body twisted over the years as it does with RA and it was a sorry sight to behold,  all mangled and bent.

I did my best to encourage her to adopt a healthier lifestyle, but she wouldn’t and couldn’t. Her emotional wounding and trauma was deeply embedded in her body due to my parents very toxic and damaging divorce in the 70s from which she never recovered. She carried this resentment and bitterness until her dying day, unable to process the hurt and the pain and the anger. I think she really felt betrayed by the masculine, and did not have the inner resources to transform her own story or suffering to anything healing.
It was terrible to witness, and awful to feel so helpless to it all.

But slowly as I developed a deeper self knowledge and wisdom I gained some distance and compassion. I realized that my real job was not to try and change her, heal her or even help her.

My job was just to love her. And I did that. For the last two years I practiced just loving her. Just reminding her that she was ok whatever was happening and that love was the only thing that mattered, ever.
And even though there was pain and torment, there was love even in that. I remember just sitting in the front room of her little house holding her deformed hand as she crunched and moaned and grimaced in the pain of the physical and emotional body, and all I could do was say ‘I love you and I’m sorry.’

Eventually her body couldn’t do anything more and I received a call one day to tell me she had died. I was sad and happy. Sad to know the story of her life and how hard it had been, and happy to know that release meant freedom to fly back home.
She taught me so much, and she loved me so much. And I still think about her all the time and wish I could take with her and see her smile and hear her infectious laugh.

Why have I said all this? Because I really want to spread the word, and even shout the word from the rooftops, that old wounds, particularly resentments, bitterness and grievances left un-dealt with and hidden ALWAYS cause a cascade of trouble in the body and will never completely disappear, but will likely return to haunt the bearer in later life.

There is just no getting away from that fact that these emotions, suppressed, are highly dangerous to the health and wellbeing of the bearer, and it is our responsibility to ourselves and our community to deal with them, and support others to do the same.

It is very hard to deal with the pain of the past, but it is even harder to carry it around as a curse and allow it to pollute and poison everything we do, including relationships with other and the world.

Please let my own story be a warning to you and those you love. I myself heed her lesson and made it my mission to heal myself and let go of the past, consciously and truly. And that was one of the greatest acts of healing I have ever done.

Thank you for reading..x

STRESS and its effect on the body systems – My Personal Revelation!

I am going to share something with you today. And its going to be about stress. And its dramatic effect on the body when it is allowed to run rampant and un-dealt with.

I would like to say this is difficult for me to admit to, but quite honestly if it serves you or anyone else I feel that my experience will not have been in vain. So please, share this post if you know someone who may benefit from it.

Some of you may know I am now in America with my beautiful wife, author and teacher Amoda Maa Jeevan. We have been here for over two weeks, in California. It has been a long and, at times, very difficult journey to get here. We are here on a long visa as it is our intention to live here long term. We left here in December 2015, and from then till now we have been nomadic, homeless, moving around, AND Amoda has been applying for the visa AND writing her new book. Both of those things have been seriously hard core tasks, but to achieve them successfully over our days, weeks and months of nomadic, erratic living, was a massive undertaking. She is an amazing human being!

IMG_3519Here is the confession. I have carried the experience, the ups and downs, the challenges, stresses, fears and difficulties not so well. My body tells the story of my life. Since the days of my Ulcerative Colitis, auto immune issue, I have had a very sensitive relationship with my physical body. It reveals everything to me, and mirrors all my emotional and mental turbulence and anxiety. I cannot hide it from my body. Some people can, they just don’t feel it in their body. I DO! You might as well, some folks do and thats a gift and a burden.

Have I shared with you about my ongoing rash this year? Oh it has been dreadful, and very very full on. Whole body rash, skin flaking, swollen arms, welts, inflammation, the whole works. It has been thought of, at various times, as urticaria, psoriasis, fungus, bacterial infection, mercury poisoning, tropical infection, and so on. Yet it has been elusive.

Since we got here I have seen a doctor, who has taken blood and I get results next week.

HERE IS THE REASON FOR THIS BLOG.

I got a referral to a Dermatologist, who I saw yesterday. I stripped down and showed him my skin, he prodded and peered, asked a load of questions and then I expected him to agree with the doctor that it was ring worm and fungal infection.

NO.’ He said, “It’s not any of that.”

“It looks like it has multiple causes that have arisen as this rash, certainly your immune system is a big factor as it is still (and forever will be) damaged with the auto immune you have carried. But the other factor is STRESS.

STRESS!!! Not just Stress!

And it really struck me in that moment how powerful STRESS, ANXIETY AND FEAR are on the physical body systems.

Immune system and nervous system, they are the two main systems that are affected by mind and emotions. And they impact every area of health. If you are one of those people who feel it all in their bodies, you have a gift and a burden. The gift is all your mental and emotional burdens, stresses and traumas are revealed to you dramatically and viscerally, and thats your invitation to deal with them consciously. The burden is that it hurts and you can get away with nothing. It gets tiring having a sensitive body. 

It gets REAL TIRING! My answer is surrender and acceptance and a refusal to medicate unless I absolutely bottom line have to, and settle for nothing, never accept a diagnosis unless it feels 100% spot on, and ALWAYS LOOK FOR THE MENTAL AND EMOTIONAL COMPONENT. 

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Taken two days ago – I am getting better, the rash is clearing!

You see, we all want these problems to be caused by something outside ourselves. That makes it easier to deal with. I have dealt with so much over the years, I mean I cannot begin to tell you what I have dealt with, emotionally, mentally, spiritually and physically, WOW! And I guess I thought I had reached some kind of level where I was beyond it.
But this last year I admit I have felt the fears in my body, I have felt the anxiety about the future in my body.
I have felt the sudden pit of fear in my body.
I have felt the fateful feeling of foreboding in my body.
I have felt deep feelings of ancient abandonment in my body, and I have felt childhood traumas and existential troubles in my body.

Never, never, never underestimate the power of the mind over the body. Body will ultimately surrender to mind, thats the bottom line. Mind is, to a certain extent, more powerful than the body, until the body dies.

And I have learned that this is my life’s lesson. I am here to learn how to relax fully regardless of outer circumstance, regardless of what is happening. I am here to learn to be ok with life AS IT IS. That is a life path.

So we each need to find our life’s lesson. It’s all about our spiritual/existential/soul/karma and how it manifests. What are we here to learn?

What are you here to learn? If you have an issue with the physical form, if any of what I’ve said resonates with you, look inside, investigate and inquire.

It helps to know, it brings some relief to one’s personal suffering and gives a greater context for any illness.

Thank you for reading!

HOLISTIC LOGIC and the Map of Your Life

YOUR BODY IS A MAP OF YOUR LIFE.

0bc4fc1e64b4d5863aa12349a1dc1a95The body is a map. It tells you things. It shows you what is going on. And before you say, duh! isn’t that obvious, please understand I don’t mean simply the physical.  I don’t mean the body tells you whats wrong in the body, although it does that as well.
I mean the body is a map of the mind, the emotions and the psyche.
The body is it. It is our interface with this dimension of reality.
Think about it for a minute. If it weren’t for your body, and the senses you have been gifted to experience it, what would be happening?
On the level of life, nothing at all would be happening. You would not exist.

Everything that happens, happens through the body and the senses. It has to or there is nothing.
Consciousness exists prior to and after the body.

The body is a vast and complex thing. We insult it by treating it so neglectfully, and we diminish it by making it toxic and sick.

And the body itself, its twists and turns, its aches and pains, its redness, rashes, blemishes, illnesses, tells us about the consciousness and life of the person.

We just don’t know how to read the map of the body.

If we did it would be extraordinary.
And I believe we can.
We start by understanding that the body is a map.

And then we ask, ‘What might it be saying?’
And then we begin to open to intuition, hunches, messages, and all the time using logic and science to investigate the purely physical level of existence. Thats what its good for, the physical.

We develop INNER WISDOM.

I call this Holistic Logic – It is the ultimate in body centred, spiritually based, inquiry into the nature of being human.

I find it astonishing when people still think of illness, symptoms, wellbeing and anything body related, as purely physical.
We are extraordinary beings caught in a matrix that attempts to limit us. By allowing ourselves to feel and live in limited ways we become dull and lifeless.
We are born, each of us, to magnificence. It is written in our coding that we have great potential. We accept limitation but it doesn’t serve us. And it makes us ill.
I am trying to awaken your inner wisdom. Become a body map reader. You are the best possible person to understand your own nature. But you must tune in on a deeper level.

What I do is not just about health. It’s about YOUR LIFE! It’s about your power, your wisdom, your work, service and job. It’s about your relationships, your family, your morality, and about the point of your existence.

I find it astonishing when people still think of illness, symptoms, wellbeing and anything body related, as purely physical.

We are extraordinary beings caught in a matrix that attempts to limit us. By allowing ourselves to feel and live in limited ways we become dull and lifeless.
We are born, each of us, to magnificence. It is written in our coding that we have great potential. We accept limitation but it doesn’t serve us. And it makes us ill.

I am trying to awaken your inner wisdom.

Help me return to this

Help me return to this

 

Podcast – I thought I was more Bulletproof than I actually was!

I have recorded a new podcast that I am very happy with. It is very personal, but also includes ideas and possibilities for each of us when faced with adversity.
Here is the breakdown.
“Up close and personal podcast where Kavi talks about his recent experience with ‘illness.’
It includes a confession about how he tried to be more bulletproof than he actually was, and the valuable lessons he has learned from recent events.
It is call for each of us to discover the Guru within and learn to listen to the voice that whispers in all the noise.
It is a call for a new peacefulness and calmness in the face of life’s turbulence and drama.”

I hope you will listen, and would love to hear from you, particularly if it speaks to you in any way.
And please share it if you are moved. Thanks!

Or here:

half_resolutionClick on the image.

Or:
https://soundcloud.com/the-power-to-change/023-i-thought-i-was-more-bulletproof-than-i-actually-was 

The Doorway of Illness – Unfolding Your Myth

The Doorway of Illness – Unfolding Your Myth.

From ‘The Power of Illness to Change Your Life.’ 

kavihockaday_3d

A message to those who are ill.
You are the key holder. Only you can unlock the mysterious door that reveals the path. It is a mystical path, an archetypal path, a karmic path. It does not follow logic.
Each one of us carries their own unique answer, held within each individuals unique pattern of disease, symptoms, karma, personal and collective history etc. 
Although there are things in common with others, because we share so much with other people, yet still this path of illness is utterly unique. It is tailor made for you, by you.
The people who heal, and by heal I mean transform to bigger, more self loving, bolder and more glorious versions of themselves, whether they fix their body or not, those people have all found something within themselves that changed them. Every person I have heard talk about deep healing talked about the spiritual, psychological and emotional elements. Because at the final count it is not about diet or supplements. That is a part of it, and a very important part. But it is not the defining part.
The crucial part, and the part that fascinates me, is the spiritual and psychological aspect of it. Harnessing this power, our liberated energy, changes something within us, and has the potential to bring about great change on all levels of being.
The trick is not to look for the magic bullet, but to be able to dive inside yourself to such a depth that you unlock the door of your unconscious and allow your demons and ghosts to fly out and dissolve. You unlock them and liberate them.
The more work you do on yourself the better. And by work I mean stuff that actively involves you. Not just things that are done ‘to you.’ I mean work that draws out your voice, your emotional wounds, your hiding places, your rage, your ancestral pain, the family stuff you keep hidden even from yourself. I mean the dark stuff man. Massage is great but it doesn’t get into the swamp.
And if you are sick theWolf-River-swamp-North-Mississippire is something in the swamp.
Your crazy job is to head into the swamp and see whats up. I know you think you didn’t sign up for this, but actually you did. Thats why its here in your life. In the swamp is your power and strength. Hidden behind the ghouls and ghosts of your life.
Sounds real heavy? To the ego mind, to the self protecting part of us, its scary of course. The part that hides in there is saying,’Don’t go in there, its real scary!,’ But you know what? If you want to know the truth, if you want to get to the root of things, if you are sick of being ruled by some invisible demons who hang out in a swamp, you are not going to listen to some ridiculous voice that says its scary.’
Its warrior time.
Being a warrior is not what it sounds like. Sometimes its the ferocious sword wielding saviour of mankind but mostly its just a little person who takes one step in front of the next, shaking but determined to keep going. The warrior does not deny fear but takes it with them. Sure they are scared, who wouldn’t be? But it doesn’t stop them. The purpose is more important than allowing anything to stop them. Thats the way it is with the swamp.
morning classes_1
Over the years I have met parts of myself that I found hideous. I discovered indescribably pain and torment. I have railed and screamed, been blindingly furious and wept like the ocean. I have let pain out of my body that I had no idea was there. Until you open the door you just don’t know whats in the room. It all served my healing, and served my personal psychological transformation.
And thats why I say, YOU are the key holder. The lock is within, the swamp is within, the answers are within, the freedom is within, and the power is within. It is always an archetypal, mythological path, and as such it has all the elements of a warriors myth. 
Your job is to awaken that myth within yourself.
is within, the answers are within, the freedom is within, and the power is within. It is always an archetypal, mythological path, and as such it has all the elements of a warriors myth. Your job is to awaken that myth within yourself.

Energy for Life! Or a Car Wreck?

How much energy do you have available to you at this moment? This morning when you woke up? After lunch?

This morning I was up at 4.30am, ready to dive into creativity at 4.45am, exercise at 5.30am and get on with the day by 6.30 am. And still I had a great breakfast, in fact it was BECAUSE I have great breakfast, lunch, dinner and sleep that I can keep going…But you know the one thing I feel enables me to keep going and spring back all the time with unlimited energy??
No it’s not Caffeine! But I do have Cappuccino when I want.
It’s not a stimulant. I will come on to stimulants and the rocky road in a minute…

IT IS SLEEP!!  Yawn I hear you say, can’t it be something more exciting? ‘Fraid not guys..We are bio electrical machines that need constant recharging..If you don’t get the full recharge, gradually you will get weaker and weaker..You will anyway, it’s called wear and tear, built in obsolescence it’s called and we suffer from it..But, for example, those of you who have an electric toothbrush, you know how after a few days it just starts getting slower and slower, but at first you don’t notice until it just becomes unusable? Well it’s like that with us over a longer period of time. No charge = No energy. Half charge = half energy. We are so used to living our lives in a state of less than our full energy we fail to notice, and of course we live in the ‘STIMULANT AGE

We are living, all of us, in a time when it’s normal, in fact it’s almost obligatory, to live in the fast lane. That means a sense of urgency fueled by something that lifts us up and stimulates us. The Coffee house explosion is running rampant in our streets. We are fueled in the morning and kept up during the day. By the evening many people, particularly those with creative jobs or demanding jobs, need something to either keep them up or slow them down.

Either way it ain’t great!
It results in adrenal burnout, kidney exhaustion, bags under the eyes, fatigue, liver stress, emotional imbalance and a general state of near collapse –  sorry to say all this but I know it to be true, I’ve been there..

Sleep, real sleep, is the answer…AND EARLY!
I know early to bed is for weeds and wimps, but I’m one of those. At 54 years old my days of late nights are done and gone..Now we eat last food at 6pm and hit bed by 9pm, lights out 9.30 latest. And when, because of  an event or a workshop or something, we get a late night, boy do I feel it!
I am a musician but I would not last in a rock’n roll band any more, that’s for sure!
And that means that I can, almost without fail, get up at 4.30am every morning and meet the day with bursting energy and a smile, possessed by creativity and passion (not always).
Think about it, that’s all I’m saying. As you get older you may want to reassess the late night habit and see it as just that, a habit. And like all habits, it can be changed if it no longer works..
Here’s a good article..http://stopandbreathe.com/2011/03/15/your-most-restful-sleep-ever-in-six-simple-steps/

Man sleeping

Hydration and Mood

Have you ever wondered why sometimes you just start feeling low, or anxious, or angry?
And much as you try you can’t locate the source of this trouble?

Well I might have the answer…DEHYDRATION!

Just a couple of days ago after a few days of pretty intense mental computer work my energy suddenly dropped. I felt pretty groggy and then noticed I was getting anxious and a bit depressed. It’s very unlike me to have this I’m usually pretty bouyant so this was strange. And like most people I took it personally and thought it was something I was or wasn’t doing, or some deep unresolved emotion trying to make it to the surface.
And then I remembered a similar thing happening a few weeks before and thinking that maybe I was dehydrated.
So I decided to drink a lot of water (good quality water) over 24 hours and see what effect it might have. Well within 24 hours I was chirpy and energetic and back to normal! A simple solution for what could be treated as a big problem.

AM_706x264_hydration
Reports show that even a drop of 1-2% of water from our bodies can create the conditions of dehydration, and dehydration in the body seems to send messages to the brain alerting it to the need to take notice. But we misread these signals and think something is wrong with our emotional state, so the question is…
MEDICATE OR HYDRATE?
And guess what?
Women have a stronger reaction to dehydration than men.
And nothing but water will resolve it. No tea, coffee, soda, nothing will create hydration, except pure still water as natural as possible.
The problem is compounded by the fact that by the time we feel thirsty dehydration has already happened and then it will take time to rehydrate, and the other problem as far as I can see is a deeper and more chronic one, and that is that the majority of people are chronically dehydrated. Not only because they don’t drink enough pure water, but also because the diet and lifestyle many people have is simply not hydrating.
Hydrating foods are the ones that have a lot of water in them..Salad ingredients, fruits and vegetables, mostly raw. It’s obvious. And processed foods and heavily cooked foods, meats and dairy, are not hydrating. In fact the opposite happens, they leach minerals and water from the body.
Do you see how the area of hydration opens up to being pretty darn important?
And we haven’t even discussed Cellular Hydration which is the root of it all.

So the best answer to these issues is prevention. Hydrate by sipping water, eating whole live foods and fruits and getting the body alkaline. Take your hydration seriously and it will repay you with energy and a lightness of spirit and mood stability.
Here is an article on the effects of dehydration Article on Dehydration

And here is an amazing book on the cells that talks about cellular dehydration and chronic illness and what we can do about it..This book is simply a MUST READ if you are interested in core health.

Cellular Awakening: How Your Body Holds and Creates Light