Auto Immune Causes – The Cat and Mouse Game – A Personal Tale

Some of you may know over the years I have been through many diagnoses ranging from the sublime to the ridiculous, but have suspected Thyroid problems for a while now. Hashimotos is an auto immune experience, and I have been through gut related auto immune in the form of colitis, so I carry a tendency and possibly a lingering causal issue.

I now have some definitive test results that reveal I am producing antibodies which means there is a problem with the thyroid and what might be called ‘an auto immune’ condition.

I now have something to work on. But honestly this area is a minefield of information and red herrings, false flags and holistic mystery.

Getting tested is important, but tests are so damn expensive, particularly when there are a myriad of tests.

Finding a professional, either a decent doctor or a functional doctor or a knowledgeable naturopath is very expensive and out of my range, so i’m in the thick of it with trying to unravel it for myself as much as possible.

Luckily I am healthy, or at least healthy enough to mitigate some of the symptoms and effects.

But thats not enough when there is attrition of the gland and body going on. I have to dig even deeper and find some causal factor.

Could be Epstein Barr virus.
Could be heavy metal.
Could be electro smog.
Could be the years of toxic drug overload.
Could be a genetic component.
Could be years of stress I carried.
Could be low testosterone.

You see the problem?

It is something of an anomaly to have this..I am actually super healthy on so many levels, and all indications are it just shouldn’t be so. So the question that must always be asked and pursued is WHY?

What is causing this reactivity in the cellular body? Over the years as I have healed my gut the inflammation markers have come down and down until now there is no sign of inflammation.

That doesn’t necessarily mean there is one. But something is in the system, or some imbalance in the system, that is creating this disturbance. It might be low grade infection (ala ‘Medical Medium’ suggestion that Epstein Barr virus is more at play in Hashimotos and auto immunity than we imagine. It could simply be years of toxic assault, mercury (now gone) and stress (which I carried for many years) and of course electro smog and all its joys..

And of course Im now 59 so the body is hanging and getting older, systems getting weaker, testosterone going down, and so on and so forth.

So the investigation continues, meanwhile I truly believe that one can at least offset damage and harm by living as though one were vibrantly well, consciously choosing healthy foods and exercise and attending to the mind and emotion. xx

Thats where I’m at. I am almost excited to have found out something definite. It gives me a direction to move in.

Thanks for reading!

My recent results.

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What Did I Do To Heal Ulcerative Colitis?

One thing I am always careful of when I talk to people about healing ‘disease’ is this. No two people are the same, there is no one magic bullet that heals all people of all diseases, and thus what worked for me may not work for someone else.

Once we really understand that we have a choice to take greater responsibility for our own predicament. It is not always easy being both the sufferer AND becoming the investigator and researcher. But that is what must happen. Of course we will always need experts and professionals to guide us, support us and test us, but part of the healing itself is for us to become actively involved in making sense of our situation and becoming our own healers. That process creates new energy within us that becomes part of the journey.

So with all that said let me share once again some insights into my own healing path and what it involved.

When I was diagnosed with Inflammatory Bowel Disease (in particular Ulcerative Colitis) I had no idea what it was or what to do. But my first instinct was to investigate more rather than just accept the medication and prognosis the consultants and doctors offered me. I figured (intuitively) that my body was in meltdown with an overload of toxicity so to just load it up with more pharmaceuticals was heading in the wrong direction.

The professionals thought I was irresponsible and just plain wrong. I walked out of the hospital. I believe I was right, and the proof is that I never took any medication from that day to this, and those same professionals were emphatic that I would be on meds for the rest of my life. It just goes to show some of what is possible. They are not always right by any stretch of the imagination.

So that was important for me. I didn’t load my body any more than it was already loaded.

And then I went full-on detoxification. I could no longer eat properly anyway, suffering at times 20 bowel movements a day, losing a lot of blood and becoming increasingly weaker and more anaemic day by day. I went to India for two more detoxification panchakarmas, and I shifted slowly to a raw food diet. Raw food is inherently cleansing, but also pretty rough on the colon and very cooling, so there was a positive effect but also a negative effect and pretty soon I think my immune system was all but shut down, leaving me vulnerable to other issues like Raynaud’s disease, possible scleroderma and thyroid problems.

I spent two years 90% housebound and lost in confusion, fear, anger and physical suffering. It was tough. But I worked and worked on myself. I left no stone unturned, and even when I gave up I didn’t really give up. I hit rock bottom but somehow hung on in there and trusted that something deep was happening. I learned that healing is not a linear movement, it works in a spiral. And that means sometimes we feel worse when we are getting better, and at times we must revisit old traumas and scary places in order to assimilate them and/or let them go.

I learned that healing is PROFOUND. The healing call, if and when it calls, is not some little voice that just wants everything alright again. It is bigger, much bigger than that. The healing voice is shouting at us to change everything, to change fundamentally. It is huge. It wants TRANSFORMATION.

It took everything for me.

But here is the most extraordinary thing that changed for me, and for which I am still grateful and still amazed.

I saw and healed the dysfunctional relationship between my mind and my body. I came to understand what part in my illness, and wellness, in fact my whole life, my mind played. It was a HUGE revelation and one which still reveals itself over and over again.

I don’t think we have yet fully grasped the power of mind to influence body, both negatively and positively. I am so glad I worked on it, and I always advise those who are in any way suffering, to inquire for themselves what is going on.

I like to think of it like this. There is a mutual relationship going on between mind and body. Mind affects body AND body affects mind. It is a bio energetic feedback loop. And it can get very stuck in one mode of operation, that of negativity. It doesn’t matter where it started, in the body or in the mind, who cares! What matters is intervention in the endless loop. Intervene as deep as possible on the body level and things will slowly change on the mental level, which will then affect the body level. Intervene on the mental level and it will slowly have an impact on the body level.

But intervene on BOTH the body level AND the mental level and transformation of the whole organism may well happen.

It was tough for me. It lasted at least ten years and it took me to every part of myself. It was slow. It was scary. Like all huge journeys it challenged me, called me to step up to the plate, but eventually things started to change.

Clean up the body. Clean up the mind.

As you can read, I’m not talking about the details of what I did to heal. I haven’t mentioned any foods, herbs, protocols, supplements, exercises, meditations or anything. That is the challenge we all face.

The people who I have met who have healed have all got one thing in common. They have activated their inner power, their inner guidance system. They have taken massive action to heal. Of course it doesn’t always lead to healing in the way we understand it. Some people heal their hearts but lose their bodies. There is no rule that says if we do this action we will get this return. Life is mysterious and we really have no idea what is happening. All we can do is love ourselves and the world as much as possible, heal our wounds, our bodies and our minds and leave the rest to God.

That is what I did.

If you are on this journey I apologize for not offering you anything that feels definite but I always hope this gives you cause for optimism and encouragement. The healing journey was the greatest experience of my life. It helped me, no it forced me, to confront myself, let go of old grievances, heal my wounded heart and mind, change addictive patterns and come into the full bloom of my being. I have become very grateful to what happened, and even though it was not something I would have chosen, by embracing the journey and the experience I allowed it to heal through the power of divine intelligence.

Human beings are extraordinary and our capacity far outreaches our current knowledge or belief systems. Stretch your beliefs, stretch your imagination, stretch your actions and sure as heck something will happen.

Four powerful steps I took.

  1. I supported my body in the healing journey. I didn’t suppress symptoms. I navigated them.
  2. I took massive action to learn about my experience and apply my learning.
  3. I healed my toxic thoughts and beliefs through meditations, visualization, therapists and healers.
  4. I developed a deeper trust and resolve and power.
  5. I NEVER gave up.

With great love Kavi

Buck the System and Find Your Own Way

Haggard in 2005

Did you know I got very sick in 2005 and was diagnosed with Ulcerative Colitis, and given a prognosis of medication for life, an incurable illness and probably surgery to remove my colon?
It was pretty serious, as were my symptoms.
None of the things they told me that day came true.
I took ABSOLUTELY NO MEDICATION from that day to this, for that disease. None, nada.
I have had NO SYMPTOMS of UC for a few years. I don’t care whether that constitutes a ‘cure’ or not. It’s gone.
As for the ‘surgery to remove my colon.’ WTF?
I am 58 years old. If I had believed all they told me and not undertaken my own research, inquiry and attempts to heal (which took a long long time and much dedication) I would have been medicated up to the eye balls with steroid and anti inflammatories immediately and that would have put all sorts of pressure on a system that was already under pressure. I would have gotten weaker and sicker, and NEVER HEALED. Thus I would probably have had my colon removed .
I walked out of the hospital and decided to find my own way. I know thats pretty scary and wild, but thats what I did and it led me to my own power and authority.
And my healing.
That makes me a warrior. 

Now, sometimes you have just got to go with the medical model, and take great advice from those who know more than you do. But honestly, looking at the whole thing from my perspective after this long journey, I would say that most people have given over way too much authority and power and influence to a system that DOES NOT have healing as its core principle. If you really want healing, whatever that might mean to you, I am afraid that at some point you will have to buck the system and find your own way.

That’s the way it is. Bucking the system means you will have to take deeper and more intense responsibility for what is happening in your body/mind system. It will inevitably bring you face to face with yourself, your wounds, traumas, fears, hurts, angers and grievances. It will bring up your stuff on emotional and means levels, and thats the transformative power of it.

If you can grow into that, take responsibility, become wiser and more knowledgeable, find healers and alternative professionals who will support you and guide, and resolve the energetic stuckness that underpins all physical issues, you are very likely to heal, to grow, to transform in ways that are unimaginable.

Or you can just carry on.

I chose to buck the system. It never worked for me except for diagnosis and testing, even then I have my doubts. It didn’t offer me the hope or possibility I needed. That had to come from me. It’s in everyone, it’s in you.

Thanks for reading!

AUTO IMMUNE ISSUES: The Sacred Boundary of Self Violated

ALL AUTO IMMUNE PEOPLE: The Sacred Boundary of Self:

If you have an auto immune condition, please look beyond the physical level for your healing. You probably wont heal unless you do.
You can look for the magic bullet that cures you, you wont find it.
You can search the physical plane, the world of one cause for the effect, but you wont find it.
You can stay locked in this land of separation, but it wont heal you.

NO…

You must look beyond the linear and dive into the murky world, the world of emotion, mind, spirit, into beliefs and wounds.
It is not optional.

An auto immune condition means that the sacred boundary of self has been breached, physically in the gut wall and thus the immune system, and energetically and metaphorically in the sense of self we carry from birth to death.

You as a self, a small self, have a boundary that protects you and keeps you safe. It is an entirely natural function that happens almost unconsciously when things are flowing and harmonious in ones life.

BUT…Trauma, wounding, abuse, shock and terror, fear and stress when experienced in childhood or youth, CAN set the pre-conditions for subsequent auto immune conditions.
They don’t necessarily cause it, but they can participate in it to a great degree. They are a part of the condition.

For those who are experiencing auto immune, you simply must look into this area of your life. It really matters.

And this comes from personal experience and from working with other people.
Don’t take my word for it. Inquire within. Explore this idea for yourself, truthfully and deeply.

A Fundamental Error in Health, Healing and the Body.

Our number one fundamental error when it comes to health and healing, wellbeing, illness and even our approach to the body itself, is this:

We assume all our answers are going to be found on the linear level of reality. We are so embedded in this causal reality with all its rules that we are unable to traverse the mysterious inner world where everything is interconnected and changeable, where matter and consciousness blend into the same thing and, ultimately, where there is no ‘real world,’ only consciousness.

When we allow ourselves to entertain new possibilities and new explorations, and we dive into the murky world of emotions, into the prison of conditioned thinking and beliefs, into our cultural conditioning itself, and even further into the nature of reality, we open the door to all kinds of awareness and insights, into a whole new vista of previously unexplored potential.

And that potential is packed with transformational energy. That potential is the potential of miracles and spontaneous healing.
Thats pretty much the only way we can access the doorway.

THINK BEYOND THE BOX.

Most people either don’t want to or simply can’t get far enough beyond the ‘in the box’ thinking for them to imagine other realities or possibilities. But that is really what we must do in order to transform or heal.

HOW?

First you must imagine that it is possible. It must enter your world through the imagination. Imagination opens the door of possibility.

Then you have to explore and experience. You have to meet what you experience openly, and when there is contraction and judgement you must commit to surrendering it. It is a constant deepening, a voyage to the centre of life. A journey into the heart of darkness. The gifts are incalculable. Sometimes miraculous.

You must persist beyond your comfort zone and break out.  Willingness itself makes this possible.

Sometimes you need someone to guide you and assist the journey.

Thats what I do.

 

Ancestral Wounds, Holistic Healing and Spiritual Inquiry – New Podcast

Ancestral Wounds, Holistic Healing and Spiritual Inquiry.

A new podcast is available.
This one follows on form last weeks.

These two quotes sum up this weeks episode:

I feel very strongly that I am under the influence of things or questions which were left incomplete and unanswered by my parents and grandparents and more distant ancestors. It often seems as if there were an impersonal karma within a family which is passed on from parents to children. It has always seemed to me that I had to answer questions which fate had posed to my forefathers, and which had not yet been answered, or as if I had to complete, or perhaps continue, things which previous ages had left unfinished.” Carl Jung 

My physician explained that ongoing adversity in childhood leads to a chronic state of “fight, flight or freeze.” Researchers at Yale had recently shown that when inflammatory stress hormones flood a child’s body and brain, they alter the genes that oversee our stress reactivity, re-setting the stress response to “high” for life. This increases the risk of inflammation, which manifests later in cancer, heart disease, and autoimmune diseases like mine.’ Donna Jackson Nakazawa

Everything that happens on the level of form is a call to holistic inquiry.
This podcast dives deeper down the rabbit hole of emotions and the body, ancestral wounds and childhood conditioning.
A powerful message for all those looking for transformation, joy, love, health and freedom.
‘Holistic Wisdom is a Lived and Embodied Spirituality that has its feet planted firmly on the ground and has its roots deep in the mud of our humanity, yet its branches reach to the heavens.
And in between its roots and its branches is the healthy flow of energy.
Its simple, natural and very profound.’
Symptoms, wounds, issues from the past, trouble in relationship, depression, addiction, lostness, anxiety, all auto immune diseases, in fact any chronic condition are ALL pointing us to Holistic Inquiry, the Great Looking Inwards.
We fail to understand this and try and deal with them on the surface, because thats all we know and thats all we are offered by the mainstream medical model.
Matters discussed: The existential meaning of Thyroid Dysfunction and other chronic dis-eases. Ancestral burdens and the negative power of traumatic conditioning.
Fear as a factor in illness.
The wake up call of illness.

And available on iTunes:

 

A request for support to get thoroughly medically tested

Help me return to this

Help me return to this

Friends of my blog, some of you may know and most don’t know but this year I have experienced the most incredible skin problems, from a full body peeling rash in which my arms and legs swelled up, to some extremely painful weals that appeared on my legs, and are still around…

I’m here in California and have no insurance, and now I simply have to get thoroughly tested to find out and address what the heck is going on. I live very very healthy, I have detoxified to the max, I healed my Ulcerative Colitis, I am emotionally and mentally grounded and clear, and yet something is still not right.

I NEED YOUR HELP. If I can raise some money I can get properly tested at a good testing centre here in California.I do not have the money..If you helped by even a small amount I would be so grateful…I am  here to do good work uplifting others and helping transform the world from its present state of breakdown…But its so much harder when my own vehicle is suffering…

PLEASE CHECK OUT MY ‘You Caring’ site and consider this…Its  rare that I make this request but needs must..Thank you so much for reading…
The link: https://www.youcaring.com/kavi-jezzie-hockaday-661853

Or click the picture below.

Click the Picture to find out more.

Click the Picture to find out more.

Here are some of the pictures of what Ive been through. I wont show any more, its not fair to anyone..
IMG_3519IMG_3521 IMG_3520 2 IMG_3522 IMG_3523