My Kindle Book, The Power of Illness, is now $0.99

I have made the cost of my book ‘The Power of Illness to Change Your Life,’ as low as Amazon will allow.

They will not allow me to make it free so $0.99 is as good as it gets.

I think you might enjoy it. It is the story, at least some of it, of how I healed naturally from a serious case of Inflammatory Bowel Disease, despite doctors and professionals assertions that healing was impossible.

It is a pretty wild and reassuring story with some good pointers if that is what you are looking for.

Here are some reviews.

Great book. Fully explains the journey of healing, describing all the alternative therapies available to heal holistically. I have tried to lead a spiritual wholesome healthy lifestyle, and sometimes things change, and we are further from where we started or wanted to be. This book has given me the push to get healthy again and look after the body and mind. Highly recommend it.

Kavi writes with so much passion, insight, respect and care for the reader.
His book is part biographical, part information and guidance. I have learnt a huge amount from reading this book and the writing style is very easy to follow.
This truly is a book for everyone – whether you are well or unwell. If you are considering buying this, do it! You will not regret it!
A truly inspirational book, to be read again and again.

Give it a try. I want everyone to understand that healing IS possible, it’s not some figment of the imagination. I do not care what doctors say, they were wrong in my case and they might be wrong in others cases.

We are in delicate and disturbing times when immune integrity matters more than ever. I had to deal with exactly that. And it has helped me and healed me.

Please please please download my book. It is not perfect and it’s not a ‘how to’ manual. It’s an inspirational message that we have more capability than we are told. But we must take power over our bodies, emotions and thoughts.

Nervous System Overload, A Modern Malady

If you discovered that the fear
The anxiety, the grief, the rage
Were your nervous system
Crying out for support and release
For care and understanding

Would you do something about it?

Well it is

You have built an identity
Out of a complex set of responses,
Memories and perceptions
You are more a ‘we’ than a ‘me’
And the ‘we’ is trying to say something
Trying to get some attention

Grief, suppressed anger, rage,
Fear, trauma, shame
When they are denied the full flow
Of their energy
Take up residence in the energetic system
They reside in the nervous system

The nervous system
Is an energy system
Electrical and biological energy
A storage and release system
It is exquisite, but it is designed to release its energy

It is an ultra sensitive and miraculously designed system. It will not be easily overridden. But in our ignorance and our wounding and our fear we make attempts to override it. And it leads to trouble, emotional, mental and physical trouble.

Spiritual understanding alone does not necessarily touch or shift what might be ‘stuck’ in the nervous system. I don’t care whether you call it Kundalini or Nervous System Overload. It needs attending to in some way.
Sometimes simply acknowledging this, or even allowing it fully to rise to the surface, can be enough.
Sometimes full scale body/emotional release work is necessary.

It may take a moment, or a day, or a year, or ten years.

I have rarely seen it fully dissolved and released through a mental understanding or even experience of ‘awakening.’ It is one thing to have an experience of awakening but the work really starts afterwards if the old stuff is still stuck in the nervous system.

Yes, it’s emotional, and it will require voyaging into the murky world of emotions, and of course we don’t want to go there. But one way or another the fact is that if there is anything that has taken up residence in the energetic system we call the nervous system, it must be attended to, and released into freedom.

So many people are walking around with such clear understanding, but on deeper exploration we discover the nervous system is on overload, and that’s where the work is.

Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay

Digest Your Experience

The root of great health and vitality
Is great digestion and elimination
It might sound obvious but let me tell you
That digestion and elimination
Must also include life experiences and the past
So many people are digestively compromised
Because they cannot fully digest their past

Or eliminate the waste product
Therefore they cannot gain the necessary nutrition
And there is always some nutrition to be had
From experience, even negative experience

If you want great health and better digestion
Turn attention not just to eating better
But to proper digestion of your life, your past,
Your wounds, those dark areas, the no go areas,
And find a way to transmute them through full digestion

What does that mean?
It means letting them in to your inner world
Eating them, chewing them over, absorbing them,
But not indulging them or creating yet another story
Out of them
But, like food, extracting the goodness from them,
Any nutrients, anything useful, and then eliminating the waste
And then forgetting about them

I have seen hundreds of people
Still carrying around the past
Unable to accept it, unable to digest it
And thus unable to really live here and now
And those same people often express
Digestive issues, or chronic illness
Or constipation, or some other related problem.

This is not as far out as it may sound.

The Mystery of Healing Illness

People want to know how I healed Inflammatory Bowel Disease.

They ask for tips, bits of advice that might help.

I understand this, really I do. I understand how confusing and desperate it is when you are very sick. I understand how you want someone to say ‘Do this, do that, try this, try that.’ And I know for myself it can be helpful…But

I stopped working with people specifically around illness. I used to do coaching and guidance about healing. I wrote a book about my own journey called ‘The Power of Illness to Change Your Life.’

But I stopped.

Why? I stopped because, from my own experience, I know what a massive journey and 100% life transformation it can mean to really heal. My own healing didn’t just return me to some imagined state of health I had before I got ill. My healing changed everything about me, physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, energetically. I mean every area of me transformed. The healing of illness became a catalyst for the deepest inner change. It wasn’t healing illness, it was a doorway I went through that led me into a new experience of myself and life.

And I don’t know how ready most people are for that journey.

Of course it might not be the same for everyone. Not everyone wants to do that, and maybe it’s not appropriate for everyone. I am radical. I needed to be radical. I didn’t just want to fix the physical problem. I wanted liberation from everything that had contributed to a dysfunctional mindset, addictions, terrible lifestyle choices, suppressed emotions and old old traumas locked up in my body.

The journey I went on lasted so long it became my life. It didn’t stop at some point and I returned to who I was. Who I was disappeared and I was new. As my cellular body detoxified and revitalized so did my mind, my awareness, so did my heart, my skin, my blood, my very emotions. I got so deep into detoxification of the old stuff that it triggered a cascade of emotional healing, old memories, unconscious holding patterns that were lurking deep in my body mind system, contributing to my illness.

There was nowhere I didn’t go within myself, nothing I haven’t done in pursuit of healing.

It worked. There is no Inflammatory Bowel Disease now. Colonoscopy is clear. No symptoms, none. Great bowels, great digestion and elimination. Great health, great energy. Sure, there are the ups and downs of being a 60 year old human who put his body through hell for 25 years. But all in all I look young, people think I’m young, I scrub up well and I’m alive and vibrant.

I never took any medication. NONE. Despite the initial consultant telling me without any doubt at all I would be on meds for life guaranteed, I never took any! That meant I had to become a warrior, develop deep trust in the healing process and stay the course even when the sea got rough. And it did get rough.

Never believe what you are told. Listen to it, learn from it, get second opinions, listen to your inner voice. Ask your higher self. Gestate it, consider whether you believe it deeply or not. It doesn’t matter who tells you. Truth is malleable, flexible and it changes, depending on many factors. And sometimes it doesn’t. There is no guarantee, just as there is no magic bullet.

Illness is a huge deal. It changes everything about your relationship to others, to yourself, to life, to existence. Don’t belittle it or try and reduce it to ‘a few tips’ or a simple remedy. It is a life changer.

But not to everyone. Some folks heal quickly and only make minor changes. Healing is a mystery.

But this is my pitch. It is always beyond tips. Everything is beyond ‘tips.’ Spiritual transformation is beyond tips. Mastery of any sort is extensive and deep. That’s what it seems to be for, at least part of it.

It is a massive undertaking, and must be undertaken willingly. Resentment creates tension. Tension is something that must be resolved, not perpetuated. Illness for most of us is a calling to the fire of transformation.

My advice is leave no stone unturned. Do everything, explore all options. Open all doors, even the ones that you have to prise open.
It will hurt, do it anyway.
You will cry until you can’t bear it any more, do it anyway.
Face your fears, your worst darkness. Face the possibility of death and heal anyway.
Become lighter and lighter. Utterly change your eating and dietary habits. Detox, detox, detox, detox, deeper and deeper. Strengthen, strengthen strengthen the inner body, the cellular body.
Feed your cells what they want, LIGHT.
Light is what our bodies want. That light comes in food, greens and berries and food that is alive. That light comes as love, kindness, forgiveness, acceptance, joy, love, wonder and beauty. That lightness comes in nature and relaxation.
Do whatever you can, and become an expert on yourself.
That’s the only tip I have.
And leave the rest to God.

With all my love Kavi Jezzie Hockaday.

Illness and Awakening – The Deepest Acceptance

I lived with major chronic illness for over 10 years.
Fifteen years later I am immensely grateful to the experience.
It played a huge part in my coming to consciousness.
It brought me to humility, tenderness and wisdom.
It forced me to look at the whole of me and let go of what was causing tightness or stress on the system.
It demanded I pay attention to what and how I digested the world, from the food I was eating, to what and how I was emotionally digesting my experiences, past and present.
It was a total revolution of awareness and understanding.

You just can’t experience this kind of thing without it teaching you valuable and humbling truths.
Of course you can also turn away from it in (over) medication, depression, resentment and resignation but that’s not the focus of my attention here. I am speaking to those who are confused, who long to open, who experience the confusion and shock, to those who seek awakening but might be ‘stuck with a persistent chronic (or acute) illness.’

This is really about love and the deepest acceptance of what is.

Yes, I was diagnosed with bowel disease. I felt it was the result of a lifetime of toxic living, major inflammation, buried fear and anxiety and a bad luck call.
I fought it and surrendered.
I loved it.
I hated it.
I listened to it.
I raged at my fate, at the unfairness of it.
I accepted the prospect of death, or the possibility of never healing.
I took it only as personally as I needed, which was a warrior’s task in itself.
I saw the body as illusion and still turned towards love.
I worked with all my beliefs, the good, the bad and the dark.
Ultimately I died into it.
And still I kept on inquiring into it, healing it, working with it.
And don’t misunderstand me, I also worked on inflammation, detox, nourishment, body work modalities, releasing deeply held stress and trauma, and so on. Mine was not a purely ‘spiritual’ journey. It was truly holistic.

The shock of a huge diagnosis in 2005 catapulted me (and Amoda my wife) into fear and panic. It totally engulfed my life but strangely it also focused my energy. There was something almost inevitable about it, it didn’t feel separate from my life. I don’t mean this on the superficial level, because on that level it DID come out of the blue. But on the deeper, intuitive, subtle level, there was a sense that this was a part of my life, albeit uninvited (maybe), but it would be unwise to completely push it away.

I had no choice, it came at me like a massive wave, crashing into my life, into our life.

Those of you who have experienced this know. When illness really strikes it is impossible to ignore. It becomes your new lover, your new teacher.
Illness moves in with you, whether you like it or not. And if you are in relationship suddenly you are in a threesome. It is exactly like an uninvited guest taking up lodging in your body and life.

It becomes your guru or your tormentor, and usually both.

Oh! it hasn’t been easy, it has been relentless. But it has compelled me to go so deep inside myself I found the mine of rubies, that which is untouched by illness, that which is innocent and always free. It actually liberated me. And brought me to love without attachment.

The thing that I learned most about illness is this. It is not ultimately about whether it physically heals, or goes, or any of those things. Of course on a certain level it is very much preferable to be restored to functionality.

But ultimately it is about the depth of the love it can bring us to. The body is a wild teacher, and illness is very wrathful. But it has so much to tell us about ourselves and about life.

This little poem sums up how I feel.

‘If you haven’t fully digested past experiences,
Assimilated what was nourishing
And eliminated what is no longer needed
You may have digestive issues
On all levels of your being.

The past is poison if it rots in your system.’

If this speaks to you, if you are experiencing some of this, I hope it has spoken to you and allowed you to go deeper, or just relieved stress for a moment, or you can feel my tenderness towards you and your suffering. It is all the mystery and none of us knows why or even what really we should do.

As Ram Dass wonderfully said, ‘We are all walking each other home.’

With love – Kavi

COLONOSCOPY Results – COLITIS HAS GONE! – Healed Naturally

OK friends, I am very overdue with a blog post, so here goes.

The truth is I am considering winding up my holistic stuff, both here on WordPress and my Facebook page. I know there is some value for people who need inspiration and some guidance in these troubling times of chronic illness and confusion, but I can only do so many things and put my focus in so many areas, and my attention is drawn to my wife’s work, retreats and meetings we do together, and my poetry and music.

I am not sure so if you have anything to say please let me know.

ANYWAY…

Recently, in December, I finally succumbed to having a colonoscopy screening for colon cancer. I haven’t had a colonoscopy for over 8 years and have not wanted to have one. But since being here in the US, having some symptoms and a history of ulcerative colitis, the clinic persuaded me (through fear) that I should have one. I resisted because I don’t respond to fear based invitations, but last year (2018) as a result of a very intense detoxification program (thanks to Medical Medium protocol – link at the end) I started to get blood and mucus in my stool. It tested positive for blood and I managed, through grace, and living in progressive San Francisco, to get myself a colonoscopy FREE!

Believe me, that is a result, and one for which I am very grateful, because the cost of a colonoscopy can be up to $3000.

But I was very reluctant because I simply don’t like responding to life from fear.

The procedure happened December 20th at Kaiser hospital in San Francisco. What an experience! Talk about conveyor belt of colonoscopies, I have never seen anything like it. Apparently Kaiser in California hold the Guinness World Record for the most colonoscopies in one day (https://k-p.li/2TBUAeN )

It was super efficient and unlike the English more laid back system. This was AMERICAN! That means pretty big, efficient and no nonsense.

I had prepared for the procedure with the usual muck to clean the system, but to be honest it wasn’t very tough, just some tablets and drink and lots of bowel movement until I was empty, no solid food and so on. It’s not that scary when you have done these things before.

They sedated me in the procedure room and talked about what would happen and I expected to be half awake like in England and then boom! I woke up with Amoda next to me in the recovery room, totally oblivious to what happen. They knock you out here, simple as that.

So then we delicately made our way home for some nice food and a day of recovery.

RESULTS! This is what you want to hear about…

Well, the big news is double pronged.

First. No sign of any colon cancer. Done. I didn’t expect any but of course I am in increased danger because of a history of colon inflammation. But all clear. Yay!

Second. There is no inflammation, and therefore no colitis, in the colon. There is a small amount of inflammation in the rectum, and they want to call that proctitis. That means, and I am going to shout this so that if you want to share it with those who have ulcerative colitis or inflammatory bowel disease, THERE IS NO COLITIS, AND NO INFLAMMATION, IN MY colon. I do not have ULCERATIVE COLITIS any more at all. It’s gone. There is a small amount of inflammation in the rectum. That does not call for much action, although of course their recommended treatment involves pharmaceuticals (Canasa, whatever that is!)
This is really great news and supports the notion that this chronic disease and therefore many other chronic auto immune conditions, can actually be healed, certainly vastly improved, through NATURAL METHODS. Because in all the 12 or so years I experienced this thing called ulcerative colitis, I didn’t take one tablet of medication. That was my firm decision, and even though it was challenging and demanding, and the whole journey of healing was extraordinary, the results are in…

IT IS NOT THERE ANY MORE.

The consultant I saw in University College Hospital in London in 2005 told me, absolutely and without any discussion, that ‘You will have it for life, and you will be on medication for life.’

I wish I could see him today, and show him the letter I have from my MD who did the colonoscopy.

So there you have it friends. All those years of healing work, from the physical, diet, and body work and exercise, to the emotional, the cathartic, the spiritual, the forgiveness, the acceptance, the resolve to dig deeper, the whole shebang of the healing journey, all worth it.

But not worth it because of this colonoscopy, although I do feel proud and vindicated because of it, worth it because it forged me as a warrior who decided to find his own way, to buck the system that says ‘You can’t do that,’ and to choose to find out for myself. I did find out for myself.

And the news was good.

Thanks for reading!

 

Medical Medium Heavy Metal Detox Smoothie – http://www.medicalmedium.com/blog/heavy-metal-detox-smoothie

Everything (Including Illness) is Included in the Spiritual Journey.

I spent nearly 10 years seriously ill, from about 2004 to 2014. I had major chronic autoimmune illness. I won’t share the details but enough to say it was dramatic, not life threatening but totally debilitating, and it completely shattered my ability to live a ‘normal’ life.
I wrote a book about the experience called ‘The Power of Illness to Change Your Life.’

http://a.co/d/3ShFibv

It also invited me into the deepest inner journey of my life.
I see that period of my life as an entirely transformational one.
I cannot begin to tell you how deep it was. It was total. It took me to every part of myself, every unexplored area, every vulnerability, every attachment, every fear.

It demanded I resolve all past grievances and traumas. It urged me to accept the prospect of death, or a life of permanent illness.

It took me to rage and anger at my past, at myself, and at God
.
And of course it had a huge impact on my relationship with Amoda. She hadn’t signed up for a relationship with this. To her utter credit she just rolled with it and allowed me to have my inner journey, supporting where and when appropriate and encouraging me to dive in deeper.

I took absolutely no medication despite the frantic advice of the specialists and doctors. To some, to many, that was irresponsible. To us it was necessary. I followed nature, I followed intuition, I followed some instinct that said, ‘This will heal, you will heal.’

It was tough, warrior-like tough. I have been on my knees, on the floor. I have given it all up to god, I have surrendered my body for the peace of love and had that prayer answered.
I have embraced the human journey with all its fragility and its temporariness.

And I am not one of the spiritual ‘nondualists’ who want to deny the existence of the body and cast it aside as unimportant. I am not one of those.

I say love the body. Love the life. Find out for yourself what it means for consciousness, for the soul, for the spirit, to be in the form of a temporary vessel that will inevitably perish.

Explore the link between thought, belief and wellbeing and illness.

Don’t be afraid of the body, and don’t be afraid of attending to it. It’s not the enemy of freedom. It’s not the shackle that ties us down. Thought and belief are the shackles that bind us.

I have learned to be free AND live fully in the body while I am here.

I eat well and healthy. I run, yes I run, a lot. I love the freedom and joy of movement. And when I can’t do it any more, I will see if I can love that. When old age arrives, I will see if I can open to it, I will seek to embrace the fear I have of form dissolving.

But I won’t deny the human experience as not ‘spiritual.’ Everything is included.

Thank you for reading!

Illness Triggers Vulnerability – Embrace it

I would like to talk briefly about how fragile we are and how vulnerable that makes us. We don’t have long on planet earth, a few decades if we are lucky, and then we are gone again into the eternal unknown. The majority of people kind of like it here, despite all the terrible things that happen, and all the suffering, the personal and global difficulties and the struggle just to live. We get used to it, we build relationships, we have family, loved ones, and attachments. That’s the nature of life.

And we expect that to last for at least 70 years, and maybe more. That’s not too much to ask, we think.

And then illness may come along and throw that idea under the bus. We might be 30, or 50, or (god forbid) even younger. In truth, in many ways, it doesn’t matter what age we are (except for the very young, and that’s an utter tragedy I can’t address here), it’s always going to be too soon, and it’s always going to mean the arrival of very deep emotions. That is to be fully expected. 

It’s going to herald the arrival of fear, and enormous vulnerability. Some of the depth of feeling will of course depend on the severity of the illness, but in my experience many of these mystery chronic illness’s trigger these fears BECAUSE they are completely unknown.

Illness knocks us sideways, and it catches many completely off guard. There is a totally new reality that arrives, a new context for everything. The truth arrives suddenly, we can call it impermanence. The facts of impermanence affect each one of us, no exceptions, but for those who are hit with illness, or even live in the unknown, this impermanence becomes a new reality. It changes everything. 

For the spouses, partners, relations, children etc, it is very hard. I know this only too well in my relationship. This marriage with Amoda my wife is our entire world. Neither of us have much family, we have no children, and we came to America and gave up whatever little we had in the UK. This is it, and we are in the boat together. To be ill triggers such a vulnerability, even guilt and sorrow. And it hits her very hard, destabilizing plans and possibilities.

But life is like this. Life is sudden and dramatic. It is disappointing and distressing. And it is impermanent. Life doesn’t play by our rules. It is unconcerned with what we want to happen and when. And the stark truth of illness bursts our illusions, sometimes dramatically and usually distressingly. 

The key to making it easier, if there is one, is to know this and to embrace it. In all my years of being ill, and walking the path of transformation, embracing the vulnerability, the let down, the heartache, the fear, anger and pain, the only way I have found is through love’s acceptance. I know that might sound new agey and trite, but when you are sick and suffering, such things begin to mean something real. Sarcasm and cynicism are the stronghold of the defensive ego that lives and dies in the matrix. They don’t make for good companions when the chips are down and we need to get real and intimate. 

Consciously embracing the vulnerability might not change anything, it might not get rid of the fear, or anger, or heal the body, or cure you, but it will open the door to a deeper acceptance of reality. That is the best we can do, and it’s the best gift we can give others. Everyone has to face the same thing. I have not met anyone who hasn’t had dreams shattered or had to face deep disappointment and heartache. It’s in everyone. And everyone will have to meet death.

But the difference between those who turn and face themselves openly and those who turn away in fear or blame, those who become bitter and twisted, is the difference between heaven and hell.

I am one who is bold and brave enough to turn and face the truth, even though it hurts like hell. I am not writing this because I have received some dreadful news, don’t worry. I do have some strange symptoms going on in my gut that I would like resolved and it’s creating a lot of discomfort and uncertainty, and we are in the US which means access to some health care stuff is more difficult (like getting a colonoscopy), but its more that it’s triggered my own sensitivity and vulnerability, and I thought I would share my insights with you.

I hope you are well, and if not I hope this brought you some solace and comfort. Maybe that’s the best we can do for each other.

Much love

Kavi

Update on Gut Healing and IBD, Colitis Books

Greetings!

I want to update you about some links to the best books I know for general gut healing and specifically colitis, crohn’s and all things ‘colonic.’

Some old links will no longer work from tomorrow, August 1st. Those links are to Jini Patel Thompson’s ‘Listen To Your Gut’ book on my site. And to her website in general, which has lots of products and information about healing IBD, colitis and crohn’s.

This is the new link to her shop:
Listen To Your Gut Shop

Her book has been downloaded and bought many times and it seems to help. At the very least it provides a springboard to new ideas. At best it gives very detailed and practical knowledge of what to do during acute episodes of colitis and crohn’s, what probiotics to take, how and what to eat, and the emotional side of IBD.

It is worth a look if you are still lost and wondering what to do.

 

Click on the book picture to check out the book itself.

Thanks, and have a great day.

Kavi

Sympathy for Suffering

The last few days, in fact in recent weeks, and particularly since we visited Santa Fe which is at 7000 feet, I have been revisiting some old symptoms associated with my ulcerative colitis. It is quite an unpleasant shock I can tell you. There is no blood, which is always pretty scary, but I have had mucus and irregular bowel movement and that feeling in the belly of discomfort and distress. (Sorry for the graphic detail!)

I am not trying to get any sympathy here, this short blog is about something else.

It is about the difference between feeing well and feeling ill.

I spent almost ten long years carrying illness and slow recovery. At times both Amoda (my wife) and I thought I was either going to die, slowly, or else carry sickness around for the rest of my life. It was bad, at times it was utterly demoralizing and I have spent time in despair and depression. I have been to the edge with my body and come back to tell the tale.

And my healing journey worked. It took such a long time, and so much patience and persistence. By the time I did my long water fast I still carried some remnants of scarring and discomfort in my colon, but after the water fast that disappeared. Since then I have had various issues, including a mysterious full body rash that lasted two years, and a borderline hashimotos diagnosis (thyroid malfunction and auto immune problem), but on the whole I have been getting stronger and healthier, to the point where people remark on my vitality and glow.

And every so often something happens and I get dragged back into stuff, and I remember.

I remember how tough it is to be ill. I think it’s real tough when the cause is mysterious and vague, labelled ‘auto immune’ without saying or knowing where it has come from or what to really do with it. Without knowing how to heal and how long it might take, it’s pretty daunting. That’s not to say acute illness is any better. In fact it’s all suffering.

It is tough. And that’s my point here. It is simple. It is very hard to function fully and brightly when there is illness. I am sorry. If it’s you who has something, I am sorry and I wish you great healing, or compassion and empathy, depending on where you are at.

Not everyone heals their body.

But everyone can heal their heart.

I came to the conclusion many years ago, when I was facing ‘the ‘illness for life’ thoughts, that it was more important for me to heal my wounded and broken heart than to be obsessed with healing my body. So I endeavored to do exactly that, and I remember one night I had what now seems like a deeply spiritual experience. Let me tell you.

I went out to the local woods and I lay down, fed up with pain and hardship, and desperate for some relief. I gave myself to the ground and it felt like a fell into a hole (kind of like a grave) and I realized I had reached the end of my tether. I came face to face with my mortality, and thus with God.

I remember saying (Inwardly), ‘God, you can take this body if you wan it, I no longer care and I am sick of holding on to desperation, but please help me heal this wounded heart. Give me some peace and love, and do what you want.’

I was so willing to let go of this body something changed. I actually became aware that life is vast and mysterious, much bigger than the smallness of ‘me and my body’ and how everything that we do, think, feel and experience is held in a love more exquisite and beautiful than anything we can ever imagine. If we could taste that love, what we might call God’s Love, for a moment, we may well not be able to do anything ever again, it may render everything else meaningless.

I have never forgotten this and whenever I slip back into anxiety or fear about illness, or death, or suffering, I remember it. It brings relief and great compassion, both for myself and for others who suffer. I know, through personal experience, that suffering is temporary and is not the truth of who we are.

But it is a challenge. And I feel for those who are ill, those who are at the end, those who are scared and those children who get ill so early in life. I have no explanations but I have an open heart that longs to hold suffering close and help carry it a little when it is too heavy.

Thank you for reading, may you be blessed.