Reactivity in Auto Immune Conditions and Inflammation

Please do not take this as scientific proof. If you are looking for modern science you probably wont find it here. This blog and website is only about ideas that might be possible.

As I always say in my blogs and posts, find out for yourself what is true. Believe nothing unless you truly believe it deeply inside. And if you don’t know, be ok with not knowing and make your inquiry into healthy living and illness come from an unknown perspective.

Basically, develop discernment and inner wisdom, it will serve you for life and help others who also don’t know.

My conversations are speculative and holistic. I’m trying to connect dots that medical science doesn’t want to, or can’t, or won’t, connect. Mainly that means exploring the connection between matter and thought, or body and mind you might say.

I want to look at patterns, beliefs, language, energy fields, that sort of thing. I truly believe we only have a small bit of the puzzle of being human. Most of the rest of the puzzle will not be found in science or conventional medicine.

But the puzzle and the mystery is where the exciting stuff is. That’s where I like to dig around. I am an investigator and explorer.

So I have been contemplating the nature of auto immune conditions, described by conventional medicine as ‘self attacking self,’ and decided to talk a little about how our emotional mental ‘reactivity’ to life, thought and situations may play a very big part in perpetuating the suffering of self attack.

The key here is to understand why reactivity, particularly over-reactivity, is happening on the mental, emotional level, and to attempt to ease it down and relax it. In my world awareness and understanding is fundamental in the healing.

Reactivity tends to come from fear. That fear can be fear of danger, fear of lack of safety, threat to life, violence or extreme vulnerability. Fear is an existential issue we all have somewhere deep within. People with trauma, childhood wounds, acute sensitivity (sometimes from birth trauma) and unstable childhoods are prone to this fear more than most. This fear is visceral, it’s not simply emotional or mental. It becomes physical, make no mistake. And that physicality we now know (through science and biology) can affect our gut microbiome, digestive process, gut permeability, ‘fight or flight’ mechanism, and adrenal glands, as well as the whole body. Every physical effect I have just stated impacts the immune system.

The deeper trouble with this is that it sets up a chronic pattern that may lock us in for life. If these things are happening in childhood and youth we learn them as survival mechanisms and repeat them every time something real OR IMAGINED reminds us of the old trauma. It doesn’t have to be a real threat, it can just be the thought of it or something similar. In fact much of this reactivity will happen IN ANTICIPATION of trouble THAT ACTUALLY DOESN’T HAPPEN.

This has been one of my ongoing life stories revealed to me over the years through various body work therapies, deep inner exploration and more recently chiropractic testing. I developed a secret inner part of me that was always alert to danger, always on the look out and hyper vigilant, whether I was asleep or not. The consequences of this are serious and disturbing, both physically and mentally. Physically it means being always in reactivity mode and high alert, and never able to get into deep restful delta sleep where healing and renewal comes from.

It means immune system and nervous system are on constant alert to danger. It began in my early teens during my parents slide into acrimonious divorce and my slide into ‘out of control’ drug taking chaos. It has lasted a lifetime (the effect not the drugs!), and been mostly hidden from view but had massive repercussions on my relationships, purpose in life and most important on my physical health. Specifically on my immune health, gut health, and now thyroid health. It also resulted in addiction problems.

So what does this say?

Well I actually see this reactivity, this over active ‘fight or flight’ mechanism, at play in many people I work with, and almost always with those who experience some form of auto immunity. And it can disguise itself in many ways. Being over critical of self or others is one way, being self hating (remember the ‘self attacking self’ phrase at the beginning of this article?), being extremely resentful, being highly anxious, fearful, angry or depressed are all permutations of the same thing, reactivity.

This blog piece is just the beginning of a much bigger conversation about mind and body and trauma, and about how the immune system gets over activated when we are young.

If we accept that reactivity might be an issue both physically and emotionally it gives us knowledge and insight, and puts us in a greater position to be able to take action.

What action? I am going to discuss this next time.

I would love to hear from you what you think, as I really don’t have all the answers, but thousands of questions that I love exploring.

And the next piece I think will be how to turn our unhealthy reactivity to a healthy and calm responsiveness so we can maintain calm in our inner world.

Thank you so much for reading, and please please comment and add something to the conversation. And share this is you feel moved to.

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Auto Immune Causes – The Cat and Mouse Game – A Personal Tale

Some of you may know over the years I have been through many diagnoses ranging from the sublime to the ridiculous, but have suspected Thyroid problems for a while now. Hashimotos is an auto immune experience, and I have been through gut related auto immune in the form of colitis, so I carry a tendency and possibly a lingering causal issue.

I now have some definitive test results that reveal I am producing antibodies which means there is a problem with the thyroid and what might be called ‘an auto immune’ condition.

I now have something to work on. But honestly this area is a minefield of information and red herrings, false flags and holistic mystery.

Getting tested is important, but tests are so damn expensive, particularly when there are a myriad of tests.

Finding a professional, either a decent doctor or a functional doctor or a knowledgeable naturopath is very expensive and out of my range, so i’m in the thick of it with trying to unravel it for myself as much as possible.

Luckily I am healthy, or at least healthy enough to mitigate some of the symptoms and effects.

But thats not enough when there is attrition of the gland and body going on. I have to dig even deeper and find some causal factor.

Could be Epstein Barr virus.
Could be heavy metal.
Could be electro smog.
Could be the years of toxic drug overload.
Could be a genetic component.
Could be years of stress I carried.
Could be low testosterone.

You see the problem?

It is something of an anomaly to have this..I am actually super healthy on so many levels, and all indications are it just shouldn’t be so. So the question that must always be asked and pursued is WHY?

What is causing this reactivity in the cellular body? Over the years as I have healed my gut the inflammation markers have come down and down until now there is no sign of inflammation.

That doesn’t necessarily mean there is one. But something is in the system, or some imbalance in the system, that is creating this disturbance. It might be low grade infection (ala ‘Medical Medium’ suggestion that Epstein Barr virus is more at play in Hashimotos and auto immunity than we imagine. It could simply be years of toxic assault, mercury (now gone) and stress (which I carried for many years) and of course electro smog and all its joys..

And of course Im now 59 so the body is hanging and getting older, systems getting weaker, testosterone going down, and so on and so forth.

So the investigation continues, meanwhile I truly believe that one can at least offset damage and harm by living as though one were vibrantly well, consciously choosing healthy foods and exercise and attending to the mind and emotion. xx

Thats where I’m at. I am almost excited to have found out something definite. It gives me a direction to move in.

Thanks for reading!

My recent results.

What Did I Do To Heal Ulcerative Colitis?

One thing I am always careful of when I talk to people about healing ‘disease’ is this. No two people are the same, there is no one magic bullet that heals all people of all diseases, and thus what worked for me may not work for someone else.

Once we really understand that we have a choice to take greater responsibility for our own predicament. It is not always easy being both the sufferer AND becoming the investigator and researcher. But that is what must happen. Of course we will always need experts and professionals to guide us, support us and test us, but part of the healing itself is for us to become actively involved in making sense of our situation and becoming our own healers. That process creates new energy within us that becomes part of the journey.

So with all that said let me share once again some insights into my own healing path and what it involved.

When I was diagnosed with Inflammatory Bowel Disease (in particular Ulcerative Colitis) I had no idea what it was or what to do. But my first instinct was to investigate more rather than just accept the medication and prognosis the consultants and doctors offered me. I figured (intuitively) that my body was in meltdown with an overload of toxicity so to just load it up with more pharmaceuticals was heading in the wrong direction.

The professionals thought I was irresponsible and just plain wrong. I walked out of the hospital. I believe I was right, and the proof is that I never took any medication from that day to this, and those same professionals were emphatic that I would be on meds for the rest of my life. It just goes to show some of what is possible. They are not always right by any stretch of the imagination.

So that was important for me. I didn’t load my body any more than it was already loaded.

And then I went full-on detoxification. I could no longer eat properly anyway, suffering at times 20 bowel movements a day, losing a lot of blood and becoming increasingly weaker and more anaemic day by day. I went to India for two more detoxification panchakarmas, and I shifted slowly to a raw food diet. Raw food is inherently cleansing, but also pretty rough on the colon and very cooling, so there was a positive effect but also a negative effect and pretty soon I think my immune system was all but shut down, leaving me vulnerable to other issues like Raynaud’s disease, possible scleroderma and thyroid problems.

I spent two years 90% housebound and lost in confusion, fear, anger and physical suffering. It was tough. But I worked and worked on myself. I left no stone unturned, and even when I gave up I didn’t really give up. I hit rock bottom but somehow hung on in there and trusted that something deep was happening. I learned that healing is not a linear movement, it works in a spiral. And that means sometimes we feel worse when we are getting better, and at times we must revisit old traumas and scary places in order to assimilate them and/or let them go.

I learned that healing is PROFOUND. The healing call, if and when it calls, is not some little voice that just wants everything alright again. It is bigger, much bigger than that. The healing voice is shouting at us to change everything, to change fundamentally. It is huge. It wants TRANSFORMATION.

It took everything for me.

But here is the most extraordinary thing that changed for me, and for which I am still grateful and still amazed.

I saw and healed the dysfunctional relationship between my mind and my body. I came to understand what part in my illness, and wellness, in fact my whole life, my mind played. It was a HUGE revelation and one which still reveals itself over and over again.

I don’t think we have yet fully grasped the power of mind to influence body, both negatively and positively. I am so glad I worked on it, and I always advise those who are in any way suffering, to inquire for themselves what is going on.

I like to think of it like this. There is a mutual relationship going on between mind and body. Mind affects body AND body affects mind. It is a bio energetic feedback loop. And it can get very stuck in one mode of operation, that of negativity. It doesn’t matter where it started, in the body or in the mind, who cares! What matters is intervention in the endless loop. Intervene as deep as possible on the body level and things will slowly change on the mental level, which will then affect the body level. Intervene on the mental level and it will slowly have an impact on the body level.

But intervene on BOTH the body level AND the mental level and transformation of the whole organism may well happen.

It was tough for me. It lasted at least ten years and it took me to every part of myself. It was slow. It was scary. Like all huge journeys it challenged me, called me to step up to the plate, but eventually things started to change.

Clean up the body. Clean up the mind.

As you can read, I’m not talking about the details of what I did to heal. I haven’t mentioned any foods, herbs, protocols, supplements, exercises, meditations or anything. That is the challenge we all face.

The people who I have met who have healed have all got one thing in common. They have activated their inner power, their inner guidance system. They have taken massive action to heal. Of course it doesn’t always lead to healing in the way we understand it. Some people heal their hearts but lose their bodies. There is no rule that says if we do this action we will get this return. Life is mysterious and we really have no idea what is happening. All we can do is love ourselves and the world as much as possible, heal our wounds, our bodies and our minds and leave the rest to God.

That is what I did.

If you are on this journey I apologize for not offering you anything that feels definite but I always hope this gives you cause for optimism and encouragement. The healing journey was the greatest experience of my life. It helped me, no it forced me, to confront myself, let go of old grievances, heal my wounded heart and mind, change addictive patterns and come into the full bloom of my being. I have become very grateful to what happened, and even though it was not something I would have chosen, by embracing the journey and the experience I allowed it to heal through the power of divine intelligence.

Human beings are extraordinary and our capacity far outreaches our current knowledge or belief systems. Stretch your beliefs, stretch your imagination, stretch your actions and sure as heck something will happen.

Four powerful steps I took.

  1. I supported my body in the healing journey. I didn’t suppress symptoms. I navigated them.
  2. I took massive action to learn about my experience and apply my learning.
  3. I healed my toxic thoughts and beliefs through meditations, visualization, therapists and healers.
  4. I developed a deeper trust and resolve and power.
  5. I NEVER gave up.

With great love Kavi

WHOLENESS IS OUR NATURAL STATE

How ‘whole’ are you? It is an interesting question most people have not, nor will ever, contemplate. I have and I do, all the time. I don’t think this is just a spiritual question, I actually think its a health question, and a very important existential question. It matters. A LOT. Here is a post I just wrote on my ‘Holistic Life Facebook Page.’

“I have spent 15 years attending to my wellbeing and to the relationship between body, mind and spirit.

In that time I have experienced a 180 degree turn around in how I live, what I focus on and how I relate to life itself.

It has been, and still is, a profound transformation.

Both simple and complex. And my awareness of the divine running through everything only increases day by day.

At first I thought it was just the body that was faltering with all its angry symptoms.

That took me directly into my emotions, which were tangled up, fearful, old and also angry.

That took me to all my thoughts and beliefs, the fundamentals of my everyday life, some of them very toxic and negative.

And finally I arrived at my spiritual essence, the nature of truth and love and reality itself.

Each step of the way my eyes opened as did my heart, until everything melted into the same thing.

You don’t choose wholeness.

You arrive at wholeness. It is a place not a thought or belief. It is a tangible frequency of frequencies.

It is where and when everything comes together, no longer separate.

It is when we, as human beings, become greater than the sum of our parts.

Wholeness is our natural state, and seems to be rare in this ‘techno-modern-superficial-separation-believing’ society.

I am forever grateful that illness came into my life to show me the way home. And I am grateful to my past self to have the wisdom to hear the call to go on the journey of healing, even if it was scary, lonely, mysterious and long.

Sometimes the longest journeys are the best.”

My advice is to take the journey. However the invitation comes, its always there. Be brave, be vulnerable, be open, step into the unknown. The benefits are incalculable. You don’t have to completely turn away from medical systems, you simply have to become your own authority, your own guru, your own advocate. Its about inner discernment as much as anything.

When you find out who you really are, through being very honest with yourself, it changes everything.

The Need To Heal Old Wounds

From my personal experience, my research and coaching lots of clients I really have concluded this one simple yet profound truth:

When we deny old emotions and/or present difficult feelings we put an increased stress on our body, on our nervous system, immune system, and important organs like heart and thyroid, and our brain. Whether that actually ’causes’ illness or not is academic, because the bottom line is it really doesn’t help.

My holistic principle is to understand that which puts extra tax and burden on a delicate and finely balanced system (the human organism) is ultimately destructive, and will assist in early degradation of healthy life. As we age it gets harder and harder to bounce back and regenerate. Which means that as we get older we must get wiser and get MORE relaxed and more FREE of old burdens. Old burdens will rigidify us physically, mentally and spiritually unless we consciously release them. They might even kill us.

This point is not as nebulous or subtle as you may think. The river is meant to flow. If it doesn’t flow it stagnates. If it stagnates it becomes toxic and allows disease to happen. It is exactly the same with us. Energy is meant to flow through us. Old emotions and toxic thoughts impede this flow and become somehow ‘trapped’ in our cellular body. The same stagnation can happen. 

Thus detoxification is useful on the physical level AND the emotional energetic level. This proposition might annoy some people and even be dismissed as new age but I have experienced it and see it everywhere, and it is a self evident truth.

In my own healing journey, healing a huge auto immune condition (inflammatory bowel disease) it really wasn’t long in my detoxification process that I was propelled into the fury and powerful world of my pent up, hot, acidic and generally volatile emotions, the ones that I had buried and denied for years and years since the traumatic break up of my parents when I was 16 years old. I held on to the trauma for decades but could never access the pain and therefore never receive any healing. Make no mistake, trauma in the body, just because its not present in everyday experience, is powerful and dangerous. It’s not inert, meaning it doesn’t just sit there in a neutral state doing nothing. 

No, it has a negative power. It influences decisions, it can drive addictions and lifestyle choices. It ramps up stress response into hot stuff like rage or scary stuff like fear and anxiety. It may play a huge part in depression. It creates havoc with the nervous system and immune system, both of which have a DIRECT effect on health. It is known, for example, that stress has a direct impact on the gut micro biome, reducing healthy gut flora and allowing the ‘bad guys’ to gain the upper hand.

I truly believe that my healing had plateaued until I dived into my emotions. And then it catapulted into an increase in healing. It’s not the magic bullet but it is incredibly powerful.

I would go as far as to say you can’t truly heal without it.

If you are on the same journey that took me over 10 years, please listen. Do the emotional stuff. Find a way, find a resource. Follow your instinct for what your body wants, listen to your own inner voice, and get guidance from others who know this territory, and then fully embrace your healing. Even when it is difficult because dragging old stuff up hurts, still press on. It is far better that you meet the pain, and it hurts, and you release it, than you don’t meet it and it kills you.

I wish you love and blessings on your path.

Thanks for reading!

 

Just How Connected To Our Environment Are We?

This one question is the source of constant inquiry to me. It is that important, and that mysterious, I just can’t believe it. And I honestly do believe that if we could see and know the truth of our relationship to our environment, we would be shocked to the core and change instantly.

But first I have to answer another question. What do I mean by ‘environment?’

Let me be clear here I am not talking about ‘nature’ or ‘environmental issues.’ Of course that is very important, and very related, but I am talking specifically here about consciousness and form.
I mean more on the level, to use a metaphor, of the goldfish and the water. By environment I mean the space we exist in, our reality (or what we take for reality), and interact with, and of course that includes earth activity, weather, sun and moon activity and planetary movements.

We imagine ourselves to be separate from the world and each other.  You can feel where your body ends and the world begins. You know the world through your senses, 5 (usually) coherent messengers that feed impulses and signals to your brain that your brain interprets as ‘the world’ and makes necessary adjustments.

But what happens if you are not actually receiving the whole picture? What is beyond the perception and interpretation? Nothing? Is there such a thing as ‘nothing?’ Is it as convincing as we believe?

We understand through science and quantum science that everything is comprised of energy at the quark level. The whole shebang is energy in movement, in flux. And we further understand from quantum experiments  (the double-slit experiment) that this energy field, which includes us and everything around us, responds to thought and belief, intention and desire. It actually seems to respond to who we are at our deepest level, not just what we think or feel on the surface of life.

Furthermore it looks as though we are all engaged in a consensus reality, a matrix if you will, a virtual experience that has certain fixed parameters and we get to experience it as our reality.

Please be clear at this point. I am exploring, not giving a thesis. I am not a researcher, a scientist or a quantum guy. I don’t have a clue, but I am fascinated by this subject.

Here is why. Because I FEEL completely hard wired to most of their reality we live in, and SOFT wired to the rest of it.

I mean hard wired in the sense that when I walk down the street like you I see shops, cars, people, road etc etc.

Soft wired becomes more subtle and unique to each of us. I ‘feel’ energy and vibration when I go to certain places. I am aware of  a feeling within me that doesn’t feel as though its mine. It can be subtle but I have learned to open to it. It helps to open to it as impersonal (without shirking my own responsibility for what I feel).

Further more I believe that I ‘feel’ earth-life. I feel thunderstorms, earthquake activity, moon-pull. I feel solar activity, as I know many people do, and I feel astrological pulls and pushes all the time.

And I ‘feel’ people. Some folks feel other people more than others. But they definitely do. I have also experienced many times a certain ‘telepathy’ with my wife, where I say instantly exactly the thing she is thinking. This has happened hundreds of times, and is now beyond shocking us. THAT SUGGESTS THERE IS MORE TO OUR EXPERIENCE THAN WE CURRENTLY UNDERSTAND.

I am not unusual in any of this. But what may be unusual is that I listen and take notice. I trust myself and am willing to open to what is happening, even though I might not understand it.

It is one of the things that makes me a good coach and guide. I ‘feel’ my clients and where they are at.

It is my claim that we are blinded by our own perception, and interpretation of our perception, and we do ourselves and the apparent world a great disservice by our ignorance.

We take the picture we experience to be THE WHOLE PICTURE, and that is one of our greatest errors.

Consider what happens to consciousness, to our experience of reality, in the deepest state of meditation, or in a flotation tank, or under the influence of certain psychedelic drugs.
It changes, fundamentally. And what has until that point seemed so real suddenly and often overwhelmingly no longer does so. Suddenly everything may appear connected to everything else, and it is as though ‘the doors of perception’ themselves have been opened and we see the truth that it is IMPOSSIBLE to define what is ‘out there’ as reality and what is not.

That awareness changes your life completely.

This post is a simple and basic discussion of this point. I would LOVE to hear from you and know what you have experienced and what you believe. I hope it has prompted some contemplation and even a rethink of where you are at.

Thanks for reading!

Being ‘Triggered’ and How It Affects Health

One of the links between the body and the emotions, between emotions and health and illness is the nervous system and ‘triggers.’

Most people these days have heard the term ‘triggered.’ It’s a term used to describe a largely unconscious response mechanism activated by some event, or thought or experience. Something ‘triggers’ you and in a flash you have gone to a different place within yourself and might suddenly feel emotional rage, stress, anxiety, or any negative sensation. It is rather like, and can be associated with PTSD. There is an element of PTSD in it.

Something triggers you and bam! You are jettisoned into a different reality and you lose perspective and balance and might become irrational and emotional, or feel like a trapped child, or anything. Triggers are individual because they come from our individual experience. In most people they have their roots in childhood trauma and stress, situations of powerlessness and lost innocence, experiences that have never been processed but been ‘lived with’ or even denied. They are extremely powerful and should never be underestimated.

But here is the point. The triggers are not just in emotions but in the body, held within the nervous system. These triggers activate the ‘fight or flight’ mechanism and have the power to instantly release cortisol and adrenalin, necessary for survival in the face of great danger but destructive in times of peace.

So the more you get triggered, the more the nervous system is activated, until, left unchecked and unacknowledged, it starts to create chronic patterns that easily run down the adrenal gland, and contribute to thyroid degradation and immune system overload. The nervous system is fundamental to health, and a huge contributor to illness. Thus emotional life is hard wired to body health.

For true health to be realized these triggers have to be fully met and understood, and at some point they must be released from their stranglehold over the organism. This process of moving beyond the triggers is one of the great liberators I have seen in many people, and in itself can cause a cascade of transformation that is profound.

I have also seen the damage triggers create when left un investigated. They can run rampant and cause chaos. And the worst thing is they will almost definitely cause illness.