Chronic Disease and the Magic Bullet Syndrome

This weekend I was asked again about how I healed Ulcerative Colitis by a third party who was trying to ‘help’ someone in their family who was desperate and suffering. I have been asked this question in various forms many times, and been asked for ‘tips and suggestions’ about what to do.

And I have to say there is something about the asking of these questions in this way that frustrates me so much.

Why?

Because it implicitly suggests and hopes that healing a major chronic disease is something that can be done easily without making much change or dramatic transformation, as if there is some secret ‘magic bullet’ that I found that instantly solved the whole thing and allowed me to carry on with my life the same way without changing anything.

I dont mean this implicit suggestion is even conscious on the questioners part, or the sufferers part. It comes more from not knowing and desperately hoping that they won’t have to do THAT much.

Because the simple fact is that people don’t want to change that much. Even when they are ill. It may sound shocking but a lot of people are so stuck in their lives, emotions, habits, thoughts and beliefs, that they would rather endure chronic illness than venture beyond the safety zone of their lives and step into the unknown. The mind and emotions desperately want safety and security of the known. And that is what you have to leave behind if you are going to heal anything.

It is exactly the same journey and challenge on the spiritual path. You cannot reach awakening or enlightenment while your strongest desire is to stay in the realm of the known, which is where it is most comfortable.

Here is where it gets a bit strange. It is called the ‘comfort zone’ but actually I’ve never met anyone inside it who is very comfortable. True comfort is found where comfort zone dissolves and the walls of false protection come crumbling down.
There is no place for what is false in spirituality OR healing.

So to return to my point. When I get asked these questions I have to respond truthfully. This is the kind of thing I say.

Dear ……

The journey of healing for me was an extraordinary undertaking that totally changed my life. I didn’t expect it but it happened because I surrendered to it and gave myself to it 100% without holding anything back. It took at least 10 years of dedication and struggle, self love and warrior-like strength.

It doesn’t have to take that long for everyone BUT it DOES take the same amount of courage and resourcefulness. Chronic illness, by the time it manifests as symptoms, has probably been lurking in the system for many years. It has something to do with many aspects of one’s life, from the physical to the emotional and the mental. Some of those things can be changed, looked at and transformed. There is no magic bullet to this, although there are helpful things. It is a big journey and a profound invitation for those who experience it. It is actually life itself rising up and saying, ‘Something you have been doing, some ways of living, eating, thinking, some emotions you have been carrying, no longer serve you and you need to change them.’

The experiencer can take that message as self blame or self negation, in which case they will suffer more, or they can step up to the challenge and make a big decision that they will meet this with openness, strength, vulnerability, willingness and power.’ With those qualities, with a lot of support, preferably from natural healers, functional doctors, and appropriate therapists, then that person will, step by step, slowly slowly, go on their journey. No one knows where it will lead. That is the mystery.

But I will guarantee you that it will change them, make them deeper and wiser, more self loving, more aware, more powerful, and more knowledgable than any course in pharmaceutical medication could.

And they may heal their chronic illness.

Thats why it’s difficult to offer tips and suggestions.

With great love and kindness.

Kavi’

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Real Healing means Healing EVERYTHING you can

During my first Panchakarma treatment in India in 2004 I was a mess.

Physically I was all over the place and pretty desperate. I had rosacea all over my face (eczema) my liver was aching and, by all accounts, under serious stress, I had high levels of toxicity from years of chemical abuse, I was exhausted and sick.

Mentally I was a mess, I had permanent frown lines between my eyes and I was highly charged, nearly always frustrated and angry, and anxious.

Emotionally I was still carrying all the baggage of the unresolved past. The bags were heavy but I carried them anyway, I guess I didn’t know there was a choice to put them down, we don’t get that truly until we have put them down. I just couldn’t let go.

Spiritually I felt no visceral connection with God, the divine, natural intelligence or anything. It was all conceptual at that stage of my life, and no amount of ‘beliefs’ helped me.

Can you see how everything in my life was reflecting everything else?

There was a deep holding on to the past on all levels.
That toxicity was deeply embedded, both in my psyche AND in my body.

When I understood this connection it almost didn’t matter where I started the journey of release and renewal because I was going to come up against everything anyway. That’s what happens in real healing.

If you start on the physical level it’s going to bring you face to face with yourself, your stuff, your past, your beliefs, your defenses and your grievances. Your task is to meet everything even though it hurts.

That’s detoxification. It is powerful but deeply transformative.

And if you are in any doubt, just keep going, one step at a time, bit by bit, little by little.

Here I am at Ayushakti in Mumbai, 2004

What Disease?

How did I heal Ulcerative Colitis?
I didn’t.
What I did was remove what was triggering the inflammation and reactivity in my struggling body.
All the words ‘Ulcerative Colitis’ mean is ulceration of the colon, inflammation of the colon. That is a description not a disease.
It turned out to be toxic residue from years of drug abuse.
It turned out to be heavy emotional burden and traumas from youth.
It tuned out to be heavy metals.
It turned out to be liver stagnation.
It turned out to be lymphatic congestion.

All these were resolved almost fully with serious and focused detoxification and nourishment of the organism.
And with serious and focused emotional healing, releasing what was stuck in the body and mind system.
And getting some health going again.
With exercise, fresh air and relaxation.

At no point did I do anything about ‘Ulcerative Colitis.’

But magically, or obviously, by the time I finished my 21 day water fast, and since then, I have had NO SYMPTOMS at all of this disease they call Ulcerative Colitis.

As far as they are concerned I still have it.

As far as I’m concerned its vanished because I didn’t have any ‘disease’ in the first place. I had symptoms, sign posts, indicators of deep issues that were causing me big problems.

I hope you get this and show it to anyone who has chronic issues.

Don’t let the diagnosis define you. Think bigger and deeper.

Get wise and aware.

Reactivity in Auto Immune Conditions and Inflammation

Please do not take this as scientific proof. If you are looking for modern science you probably wont find it here. This blog and website is only about ideas that might be possible.

As I always say in my blogs and posts, find out for yourself what is true. Believe nothing unless you truly believe it deeply inside. And if you don’t know, be ok with not knowing and make your inquiry into healthy living and illness come from an unknown perspective.

Basically, develop discernment and inner wisdom, it will serve you for life and help others who also don’t know.

My conversations are speculative and holistic. I’m trying to connect dots that medical science doesn’t want to, or can’t, or won’t, connect. Mainly that means exploring the connection between matter and thought, or body and mind you might say.

I want to look at patterns, beliefs, language, energy fields, that sort of thing. I truly believe we only have a small bit of the puzzle of being human. Most of the rest of the puzzle will not be found in science or conventional medicine.

But the puzzle and the mystery is where the exciting stuff is. That’s where I like to dig around. I am an investigator and explorer.

So I have been contemplating the nature of auto immune conditions, described by conventional medicine as ‘self attacking self,’ and decided to talk a little about how our emotional mental ‘reactivity’ to life, thought and situations may play a very big part in perpetuating the suffering of self attack.

The key here is to understand why reactivity, particularly over-reactivity, is happening on the mental, emotional level, and to attempt to ease it down and relax it. In my world awareness and understanding is fundamental in the healing.

Reactivity tends to come from fear. That fear can be fear of danger, fear of lack of safety, threat to life, violence or extreme vulnerability. Fear is an existential issue we all have somewhere deep within. People with trauma, childhood wounds, acute sensitivity (sometimes from birth trauma) and unstable childhoods are prone to this fear more than most. This fear is visceral, it’s not simply emotional or mental. It becomes physical, make no mistake. And that physicality we now know (through science and biology) can affect our gut microbiome, digestive process, gut permeability, ‘fight or flight’ mechanism, and adrenal glands, as well as the whole body. Every physical effect I have just stated impacts the immune system.

The deeper trouble with this is that it sets up a chronic pattern that may lock us in for life. If these things are happening in childhood and youth we learn them as survival mechanisms and repeat them every time something real OR IMAGINED reminds us of the old trauma. It doesn’t have to be a real threat, it can just be the thought of it or something similar. In fact much of this reactivity will happen IN ANTICIPATION of trouble THAT ACTUALLY DOESN’T HAPPEN.

This has been one of my ongoing life stories revealed to me over the years through various body work therapies, deep inner exploration and more recently chiropractic testing. I developed a secret inner part of me that was always alert to danger, always on the look out and hyper vigilant, whether I was asleep or not. The consequences of this are serious and disturbing, both physically and mentally. Physically it means being always in reactivity mode and high alert, and never able to get into deep restful delta sleep where healing and renewal comes from.

It means immune system and nervous system are on constant alert to danger. It began in my early teens during my parents slide into acrimonious divorce and my slide into ‘out of control’ drug taking chaos. It has lasted a lifetime (the effect not the drugs!), and been mostly hidden from view but had massive repercussions on my relationships, purpose in life and most important on my physical health. Specifically on my immune health, gut health, and now thyroid health. It also resulted in addiction problems.

So what does this say?

Well I actually see this reactivity, this over active ‘fight or flight’ mechanism, at play in many people I work with, and almost always with those who experience some form of auto immunity. And it can disguise itself in many ways. Being over critical of self or others is one way, being self hating (remember the ‘self attacking self’ phrase at the beginning of this article?), being extremely resentful, being highly anxious, fearful, angry or depressed are all permutations of the same thing, reactivity.

This blog piece is just the beginning of a much bigger conversation about mind and body and trauma, and about how the immune system gets over activated when we are young.

If we accept that reactivity might be an issue both physically and emotionally it gives us knowledge and insight, and puts us in a greater position to be able to take action.

What action? I am going to discuss this next time.

I would love to hear from you what you think, as I really don’t have all the answers, but thousands of questions that I love exploring.

And the next piece I think will be how to turn our unhealthy reactivity to a healthy and calm responsiveness so we can maintain calm in our inner world.

Thank you so much for reading, and please please comment and add something to the conversation. And share this is you feel moved to.

Auto Immune Causes – The Cat and Mouse Game – A Personal Tale

Some of you may know over the years I have been through many diagnoses ranging from the sublime to the ridiculous, but have suspected Thyroid problems for a while now. Hashimotos is an auto immune experience, and I have been through gut related auto immune in the form of colitis, so I carry a tendency and possibly a lingering causal issue.

I now have some definitive test results that reveal I am producing antibodies which means there is a problem with the thyroid and what might be called ‘an auto immune’ condition.

I now have something to work on. But honestly this area is a minefield of information and red herrings, false flags and holistic mystery.

Getting tested is important, but tests are so damn expensive, particularly when there are a myriad of tests.

Finding a professional, either a decent doctor or a functional doctor or a knowledgeable naturopath is very expensive and out of my range, so i’m in the thick of it with trying to unravel it for myself as much as possible.

Luckily I am healthy, or at least healthy enough to mitigate some of the symptoms and effects.

But thats not enough when there is attrition of the gland and body going on. I have to dig even deeper and find some causal factor.

Could be Epstein Barr virus.
Could be heavy metal.
Could be electro smog.
Could be the years of toxic drug overload.
Could be a genetic component.
Could be years of stress I carried.
Could be low testosterone.

You see the problem?

It is something of an anomaly to have this..I am actually super healthy on so many levels, and all indications are it just shouldn’t be so. So the question that must always be asked and pursued is WHY?

What is causing this reactivity in the cellular body? Over the years as I have healed my gut the inflammation markers have come down and down until now there is no sign of inflammation.

That doesn’t necessarily mean there is one. But something is in the system, or some imbalance in the system, that is creating this disturbance. It might be low grade infection (ala ‘Medical Medium’ suggestion that Epstein Barr virus is more at play in Hashimotos and auto immunity than we imagine. It could simply be years of toxic assault, mercury (now gone) and stress (which I carried for many years) and of course electro smog and all its joys..

And of course Im now 59 so the body is hanging and getting older, systems getting weaker, testosterone going down, and so on and so forth.

So the investigation continues, meanwhile I truly believe that one can at least offset damage and harm by living as though one were vibrantly well, consciously choosing healthy foods and exercise and attending to the mind and emotion. xx

Thats where I’m at. I am almost excited to have found out something definite. It gives me a direction to move in.

Thanks for reading!

My recent results.

What Did I Do To Heal Ulcerative Colitis?

One thing I am always careful of when I talk to people about healing ‘disease’ is this. No two people are the same, there is no one magic bullet that heals all people of all diseases, and thus what worked for me may not work for someone else.

Once we really understand that we have a choice to take greater responsibility for our own predicament. It is not always easy being both the sufferer AND becoming the investigator and researcher. But that is what must happen. Of course we will always need experts and professionals to guide us, support us and test us, but part of the healing itself is for us to become actively involved in making sense of our situation and becoming our own healers. That process creates new energy within us that becomes part of the journey.

So with all that said let me share once again some insights into my own healing path and what it involved.

When I was diagnosed with Inflammatory Bowel Disease (in particular Ulcerative Colitis) I had no idea what it was or what to do. But my first instinct was to investigate more rather than just accept the medication and prognosis the consultants and doctors offered me. I figured (intuitively) that my body was in meltdown with an overload of toxicity so to just load it up with more pharmaceuticals was heading in the wrong direction.

The professionals thought I was irresponsible and just plain wrong. I walked out of the hospital. I believe I was right, and the proof is that I never took any medication from that day to this, and those same professionals were emphatic that I would be on meds for the rest of my life. It just goes to show some of what is possible. They are not always right by any stretch of the imagination.

So that was important for me. I didn’t load my body any more than it was already loaded.

And then I went full-on detoxification. I could no longer eat properly anyway, suffering at times 20 bowel movements a day, losing a lot of blood and becoming increasingly weaker and more anaemic day by day. I went to India for two more detoxification panchakarmas, and I shifted slowly to a raw food diet. Raw food is inherently cleansing, but also pretty rough on the colon and very cooling, so there was a positive effect but also a negative effect and pretty soon I think my immune system was all but shut down, leaving me vulnerable to other issues like Raynaud’s disease, possible scleroderma and thyroid problems.

I spent two years 90% housebound and lost in confusion, fear, anger and physical suffering. It was tough. But I worked and worked on myself. I left no stone unturned, and even when I gave up I didn’t really give up. I hit rock bottom but somehow hung on in there and trusted that something deep was happening. I learned that healing is not a linear movement, it works in a spiral. And that means sometimes we feel worse when we are getting better, and at times we must revisit old traumas and scary places in order to assimilate them and/or let them go.

I learned that healing is PROFOUND. The healing call, if and when it calls, is not some little voice that just wants everything alright again. It is bigger, much bigger than that. The healing voice is shouting at us to change everything, to change fundamentally. It is huge. It wants TRANSFORMATION.

It took everything for me.

But here is the most extraordinary thing that changed for me, and for which I am still grateful and still amazed.

I saw and healed the dysfunctional relationship between my mind and my body. I came to understand what part in my illness, and wellness, in fact my whole life, my mind played. It was a HUGE revelation and one which still reveals itself over and over again.

I don’t think we have yet fully grasped the power of mind to influence body, both negatively and positively. I am so glad I worked on it, and I always advise those who are in any way suffering, to inquire for themselves what is going on.

I like to think of it like this. There is a mutual relationship going on between mind and body. Mind affects body AND body affects mind. It is a bio energetic feedback loop. And it can get very stuck in one mode of operation, that of negativity. It doesn’t matter where it started, in the body or in the mind, who cares! What matters is intervention in the endless loop. Intervene as deep as possible on the body level and things will slowly change on the mental level, which will then affect the body level. Intervene on the mental level and it will slowly have an impact on the body level.

But intervene on BOTH the body level AND the mental level and transformation of the whole organism may well happen.

It was tough for me. It lasted at least ten years and it took me to every part of myself. It was slow. It was scary. Like all huge journeys it challenged me, called me to step up to the plate, but eventually things started to change.

Clean up the body. Clean up the mind.

As you can read, I’m not talking about the details of what I did to heal. I haven’t mentioned any foods, herbs, protocols, supplements, exercises, meditations or anything. That is the challenge we all face.

The people who I have met who have healed have all got one thing in common. They have activated their inner power, their inner guidance system. They have taken massive action to heal. Of course it doesn’t always lead to healing in the way we understand it. Some people heal their hearts but lose their bodies. There is no rule that says if we do this action we will get this return. Life is mysterious and we really have no idea what is happening. All we can do is love ourselves and the world as much as possible, heal our wounds, our bodies and our minds and leave the rest to God.

That is what I did.

If you are on this journey I apologize for not offering you anything that feels definite but I always hope this gives you cause for optimism and encouragement. The healing journey was the greatest experience of my life. It helped me, no it forced me, to confront myself, let go of old grievances, heal my wounded heart and mind, change addictive patterns and come into the full bloom of my being. I have become very grateful to what happened, and even though it was not something I would have chosen, by embracing the journey and the experience I allowed it to heal through the power of divine intelligence.

Human beings are extraordinary and our capacity far outreaches our current knowledge or belief systems. Stretch your beliefs, stretch your imagination, stretch your actions and sure as heck something will happen.

Four powerful steps I took.

  1. I supported my body in the healing journey. I didn’t suppress symptoms. I navigated them.
  2. I took massive action to learn about my experience and apply my learning.
  3. I healed my toxic thoughts and beliefs through meditations, visualization, therapists and healers.
  4. I developed a deeper trust and resolve and power.
  5. I NEVER gave up.

With great love Kavi

WHOLENESS IS OUR NATURAL STATE

How ‘whole’ are you? It is an interesting question most people have not, nor will ever, contemplate. I have and I do, all the time. I don’t think this is just a spiritual question, I actually think its a health question, and a very important existential question. It matters. A LOT. Here is a post I just wrote on my ‘Holistic Life Facebook Page.’

“I have spent 15 years attending to my wellbeing and to the relationship between body, mind and spirit.

In that time I have experienced a 180 degree turn around in how I live, what I focus on and how I relate to life itself.

It has been, and still is, a profound transformation.

Both simple and complex. And my awareness of the divine running through everything only increases day by day.

At first I thought it was just the body that was faltering with all its angry symptoms.

That took me directly into my emotions, which were tangled up, fearful, old and also angry.

That took me to all my thoughts and beliefs, the fundamentals of my everyday life, some of them very toxic and negative.

And finally I arrived at my spiritual essence, the nature of truth and love and reality itself.

Each step of the way my eyes opened as did my heart, until everything melted into the same thing.

You don’t choose wholeness.

You arrive at wholeness. It is a place not a thought or belief. It is a tangible frequency of frequencies.

It is where and when everything comes together, no longer separate.

It is when we, as human beings, become greater than the sum of our parts.

Wholeness is our natural state, and seems to be rare in this ‘techno-modern-superficial-separation-believing’ society.

I am forever grateful that illness came into my life to show me the way home. And I am grateful to my past self to have the wisdom to hear the call to go on the journey of healing, even if it was scary, lonely, mysterious and long.

Sometimes the longest journeys are the best.”

My advice is to take the journey. However the invitation comes, its always there. Be brave, be vulnerable, be open, step into the unknown. The benefits are incalculable. You don’t have to completely turn away from medical systems, you simply have to become your own authority, your own guru, your own advocate. Its about inner discernment as much as anything.

When you find out who you really are, through being very honest with yourself, it changes everything.